Two letters today, because I couldn't decide who to write to!
Letter 1
Dear K,
You are an absolute inspiration to me. You have made me completely reevaluate a lot of the opinions I'd always thought could never change, you have brightened up SO many of my days, and as well as that, you're a pretty amazing role model in some ways, your optimism mixed with realism and the way you never let anger cloud your judgement is something a lot of people - me included - could learn from.
When I step into one of your worlds, I'm always blown away. You say you're starting something new, and my reflex reaction is always, "What?! NO. Woman are you forgetting that this was supposed to be a short break until you were ready for the next Song?!" And then you get me hooked. He became a dragon. I fed the muses cookies and laughed a lot. DISNEY!!! And now this... 500 is crazy. You are crazy. And I love it already!
Anyway, thank you. You're so good to all of us, and I will support you until you leave. I really hope you're true to your word and never do ^_^
-Emma
Letter 2
Dear E,
I've known you in passing for a while now, but even though we've been on each other's f-lists for months, we'd never really spoken.
Until a few days ago. You are so sweet!!! And so like me, it’s almost scary, lol. You’re actually a bit younger than me, but it feels like we’re the same age, which is odd - actually, it almost feels like you're older! And I'm usually very paranoid about giving out my MSN, and thought it would be really awkward, but after such a long conversation in the comments, I thought why not?
And then it wasn't awkward at all! We just kind of clicked, and we had such a random conversation! You have a really similar sense of humour to me too, which is cool XD
So yeah, in conclusion, I hope we keep talking, because you’re awesome! And yes, I’ll keep to my word if you keep to yours ^_^
-Emma
Day 7 - Your Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Love/Crush
[Out of the above options, this is ex-crush]
Dear you,
Hi. You never knew that I used to like you - at least I don't think you did o.O - but the truth is I used to think we were very well matched.
And I still do. Our sense of humour is actually really similar, and there are quite a few other things that make us compatible.
But only in some ways. And you've changed. Now even that sense of humour is darker, and where before you used humour as a defence mechanism, it's changed to apathy. You just don't care any more, and it scares me.
I wish I could help, but I never know what to say to you!
Just. Please. Don't turn your back on the ones who know you best. I may not be one of them, but I know they're the only ones who can help you. You're starting on a destructive path, and I don't know if you see it. You need them. Stop bottling everything up inside. Let it out, even if you can never truly let go of that pain that's been haunting you for so long.
I think that's about all... just take care of yourself, ok?
-Emma
Dear you,
Hi. You never knew that I used to like you - at least I don't think you did o.O - but the truth is I used to think we were very well matched.
And I still do. Our sense of humour is actually really similar, and there are quite a few other things that make us compatible.
But only in some ways. And you've changed. Now even that sense of humour is darker, and where before you used humour as a defence mechanism, it's changed to apathy. You just don't care any more, and it scares me.
I wish I could help, but I never know what to say to you!
Just. Please. Don't turn your back on the ones who know you best. I may not be one of them, but I know they're the only ones who can help you. You're starting on a destructive path, and I don't know if you see it. You need them. Stop bottling everything up inside. Let it out, even if you can never truly let go of that pain that's been haunting you for so long.
I think that's about all... just take care of yourself, ok?
-Emma
Day 6 - A Stranger
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Dear Annett,
What. Just WHAT?!
I don't understand.
When I was very small, I have a memory of being in Granda Hanna's house. I knew who my family were - Granny and Granda Evans on mum's side, with her two older sisters Carolyn and Auntie Alison, and then Carolyn's husband Uncle Joe. They lived far away in the mysterious realms of Belfast and Bangor and we only saw them at Christmas. Granny and Granda Hanna on dad's side, with his younger brother Uncle Freddie and his wife Olive. The only mystery in the family was why on earth it seemed natural to put an 'Auntie' in front of Alison, but not Carolyn or Olive, lol. And I was one of the only people I knew who didn't have ANY first cousins! Rebecca as my second cousin, and, as I later found out, David Hanna as well, but no first cousins.
Then that day, I saw a photo on the mantelpiece, and asked "Why's daddie with those other children in that photo?"
Awkward silence. I don't remember who answered, but it was something like "No, that's not your dad, that's his older brother Annett. That's his wife, and those are your cousins, *names were rattled off here but I only remember Nicola, Suzanne and Jeffrey*. But we don't speak to them." Now I suspect that the memory's a bit skewed and whoever it was actually said "THEY don't speak to US," but whatever.
I didn't understand, but I didn't ask any questions. I think I was embarrassed because I mistook someone else for dad? But how can you blame me for that mistake, when you look so alike and I didn't know you exist?
Time passed. Sometimes I thought I'd imagined the whole thing, and you were just people who went to our church, and in some cases my school - but the photo was still there on the mantelpiece.
And then Granny died, and you were at the funeral, and I saw you talking to my mother out of the corner of my eye, and the memory came flooding back and I just didn't know what to think.
More time passed.
And then, about a month ago, Granda came for dinner again, like he normally does once a week. But this time, you were one of the conversation topics.
So now I know.
That's a lie. I don't know a DAMNED thing, because I just sat there completely confused until Granda asked me if Jeffrey was 'civil' to me in school - "...He's never spoken to me. Except when he and Laura were bus enemies in third year, then I had to back her up when she argued with him" - and then I began piecing what they said together.
So your wife is a control freak, and doesn't allow the four girls to talk to our family? Or Granda?
I remember once, when Prize Night was in the paper, Granny was all happy because "Two of my grandchildren are in the same photo!" Me and Jeffrey, that is. She'd have loved nothing more than for the family to be together again, that's the kind of person she was, but it NEVER WILL BE because you're not strong enough to stand up to this woman - they even said that you try to fight against her influence! Instead, at the funeral for that very same woman, when everyone was going back to the house after the service, your daughters walked in the front door, out the back, and went to Florence's house. That's a disgrace. And when my mum tried to talk to you about it, you just said that your wife had told them to.
Ugh. I have half a mind to demand answers from someone about how and why this happened - I despise things being kept from me and upsetting a delicate balance is usually fun - but Granda's already broken. And to be honest, I don't care any more. You and your family will always be strangers to me, and I honestly don't know whether it's your fault or hers.
Well. You've made your choice, I suppose, and you're not someone I'll likely ever think about much again.
But Granda knows how much peace in this family would have meant to Granny. And she's all he EVER thinks about. So bury the hatchet before we have to bury him too, or I WILL be speaking to you at that funeral. And I won't be happy. I love my Granda, even if your family doesn't. And I'd like him to die happy. Which sounds morbid, but when you consider he told Florence once that he WANTS to pass on to be with Granny again, it is relevant.
And if you begrudge him that happiness - or your wife, for that matter - then I have nothing more to say.
-Emma
What. Just WHAT?!
I don't understand.
When I was very small, I have a memory of being in Granda Hanna's house. I knew who my family were - Granny and Granda Evans on mum's side, with her two older sisters Carolyn and Auntie Alison, and then Carolyn's husband Uncle Joe. They lived far away in the mysterious realms of Belfast and Bangor and we only saw them at Christmas. Granny and Granda Hanna on dad's side, with his younger brother Uncle Freddie and his wife Olive. The only mystery in the family was why on earth it seemed natural to put an 'Auntie' in front of Alison, but not Carolyn or Olive, lol. And I was one of the only people I knew who didn't have ANY first cousins! Rebecca as my second cousin, and, as I later found out, David Hanna as well, but no first cousins.
Then that day, I saw a photo on the mantelpiece, and asked "Why's daddie with those other children in that photo?"
Awkward silence. I don't remember who answered, but it was something like "No, that's not your dad, that's his older brother Annett. That's his wife, and those are your cousins, *names were rattled off here but I only remember Nicola, Suzanne and Jeffrey*. But we don't speak to them." Now I suspect that the memory's a bit skewed and whoever it was actually said "THEY don't speak to US," but whatever.
I didn't understand, but I didn't ask any questions. I think I was embarrassed because I mistook someone else for dad? But how can you blame me for that mistake, when you look so alike and I didn't know you exist?
Time passed. Sometimes I thought I'd imagined the whole thing, and you were just people who went to our church, and in some cases my school - but the photo was still there on the mantelpiece.
And then Granny died, and you were at the funeral, and I saw you talking to my mother out of the corner of my eye, and the memory came flooding back and I just didn't know what to think.
More time passed.
And then, about a month ago, Granda came for dinner again, like he normally does once a week. But this time, you were one of the conversation topics.
So now I know.
That's a lie. I don't know a DAMNED thing, because I just sat there completely confused until Granda asked me if Jeffrey was 'civil' to me in school - "...He's never spoken to me. Except when he and Laura were bus enemies in third year, then I had to back her up when she argued with him" - and then I began piecing what they said together.
So your wife is a control freak, and doesn't allow the four girls to talk to our family? Or Granda?
I remember once, when Prize Night was in the paper, Granny was all happy because "Two of my grandchildren are in the same photo!" Me and Jeffrey, that is. She'd have loved nothing more than for the family to be together again, that's the kind of person she was, but it NEVER WILL BE because you're not strong enough to stand up to this woman - they even said that you try to fight against her influence! Instead, at the funeral for that very same woman, when everyone was going back to the house after the service, your daughters walked in the front door, out the back, and went to Florence's house. That's a disgrace. And when my mum tried to talk to you about it, you just said that your wife had told them to.
Ugh. I have half a mind to demand answers from someone about how and why this happened - I despise things being kept from me and upsetting a delicate balance is usually fun - but Granda's already broken. And to be honest, I don't care any more. You and your family will always be strangers to me, and I honestly don't know whether it's your fault or hers.
Well. You've made your choice, I suppose, and you're not someone I'll likely ever think about much again.
But Granda knows how much peace in this family would have meant to Granny. And she's all he EVER thinks about. So bury the hatchet before we have to bury him too, or I WILL be speaking to you at that funeral. And I won't be happy. I love my Granda, even if your family doesn't. And I'd like him to die happy. Which sounds morbid, but when you consider he told Florence once that he WANTS to pass on to be with Granny again, it is relevant.
And if you begrudge him that happiness - or your wife, for that matter - then I have nothing more to say.
-Emma
Day 5 - Your Dreams
Dear dreams,
Well, there are a lot of you, aren't there? I'll address you all one by one, it's only fair ^_^
Go
I know that you for one are VERY unlikely to happen. My hopes have been raised and dashed so many times that it kills me inside, and depending on which of the three variations of this dream I'm thinking about... it's already too late for one, it's impossible for another, and the last one... by the time I'm able to do something about it myself it will probably be too late.
It's just out of my hands. Sorry.
Meet
I can only wish.
Escape
You, my dear dream, are GOING to come true. I already have it all planned. Just wait three more years, and then you'll have a taster of reality. And then after one more year, that reality can become as permanent as you like.
You know that what comes in between is necessary, and you don't begrudge me that, so thank you. And I'm not a fool - I know nothing is perfect, there are people I'll miss, but no. I've seen enough of the world to know that this life, here, is flawed in different ways than I can deal with. And I'm sick of the narrow-mindedness, the ignorance, the sheer stupidity that seems to be everywhere I turn.
Conquer the world then set part of it on fire. I would.
I've had enough of this. I'll wait - I'm not ready yet and I know it - but when the time comes, I'm going to fly this nest and I won't look back.
Because the ones we love never truly leave us, and they're the only thing I could ever miss.
You
Hi there. I wonder if you even exist, but hi anyway. Are you really as sarcastic as I'm imagining? I hope so. Sarcasm makes everything more fun.
You're not actually one of the dreams I dwell on most, even though you're probably the most important. Oh well, I'm not normal and you'll just have to deal with that! But then again, part of it is that I'm nowhere near ready for you to come true. So... see you later? I hope.
Speak
I would love to!!! So much! Obviously impossible overall, but on one hand this is gradually becoming reality, on another it was starting to become reality and WILL eventually, we've just hit a little stumbling block, on many, MANY others I don't really care that much, and on the last one...
I suppose you're the one I'll have to resign myself to only being a dream. Maybe it's just a phase, but you're one of the ones I want most in this catagory. I guess I'll just be content with what I have - two others that I know deep down are better, maybe a few others along the way, and the little bit of you that I do have, that I treasure.
I hope I don't forget it - but I suppose if I do, then it WILL have just been a phase, and it won't matter anyway.
Ink
With my procrastination abilities? Lol no.
But sometimes, I get past that, and it's so worth it. Only a dream in a way, but just yesterday part of it was made reality again, and it felt so right.
Besides. When I'm actually being real and not forcing anything - like at night, every night, or when I'm so hurt and angry or just plain bowled over that it's my only release - it all just flows and it's the easiest thing in the world. Like right now. When I don't have to worry about style or exactly hitting that mark - when it's the same thing, but so different because it's me, only me, behind it all. Maybe that says something about it too - there's always hope.
And last but not least...
Night
Well now. Normally I love you and think you're class, but this behaviour of late is unacceptable! Would you mind coming back and being as vivid and amazing as you used to be? And don't think you can use the excuse that you haven't actually run away - you do every single morning! I am not impressed. And what do I have to do to bring back your insanity? Eat cheese before bed or something?!?!
...Ok, I'd do it. *throws up hands in exasperation*
Well, there are a lot of you, aren't there? I'll address you all one by one, it's only fair ^_^
Go
I know that you for one are VERY unlikely to happen. My hopes have been raised and dashed so many times that it kills me inside, and depending on which of the three variations of this dream I'm thinking about... it's already too late for one, it's impossible for another, and the last one... by the time I'm able to do something about it myself it will probably be too late.
It's just out of my hands. Sorry.
Meet
I can only wish.
Escape
You, my dear dream, are GOING to come true. I already have it all planned. Just wait three more years, and then you'll have a taster of reality. And then after one more year, that reality can become as permanent as you like.
You know that what comes in between is necessary, and you don't begrudge me that, so thank you. And I'm not a fool - I know nothing is perfect, there are people I'll miss, but no. I've seen enough of the world to know that this life, here, is flawed in different ways than I can deal with. And I'm sick of the narrow-mindedness, the ignorance, the sheer stupidity that seems to be everywhere I turn.
Conquer the world then set part of it on fire. I would.
I've had enough of this. I'll wait - I'm not ready yet and I know it - but when the time comes, I'm going to fly this nest and I won't look back.
Because the ones we love never truly leave us, and they're the only thing I could ever miss.
You
Hi there. I wonder if you even exist, but hi anyway. Are you really as sarcastic as I'm imagining? I hope so. Sarcasm makes everything more fun.
You're not actually one of the dreams I dwell on most, even though you're probably the most important. Oh well, I'm not normal and you'll just have to deal with that! But then again, part of it is that I'm nowhere near ready for you to come true. So... see you later? I hope.
Speak
I would love to!!! So much! Obviously impossible overall, but on one hand this is gradually becoming reality, on another it was starting to become reality and WILL eventually, we've just hit a little stumbling block, on many, MANY others I don't really care that much, and on the last one...
I suppose you're the one I'll have to resign myself to only being a dream. Maybe it's just a phase, but you're one of the ones I want most in this catagory. I guess I'll just be content with what I have - two others that I know deep down are better, maybe a few others along the way, and the little bit of you that I do have, that I treasure.
I hope I don't forget it - but I suppose if I do, then it WILL have just been a phase, and it won't matter anyway.
Ink
With my procrastination abilities? Lol no.
But sometimes, I get past that, and it's so worth it. Only a dream in a way, but just yesterday part of it was made reality again, and it felt so right.
Besides. When I'm actually being real and not forcing anything - like at night, every night, or when I'm so hurt and angry or just plain bowled over that it's my only release - it all just flows and it's the easiest thing in the world. Like right now. When I don't have to worry about style or exactly hitting that mark - when it's the same thing, but so different because it's me, only me, behind it all. Maybe that says something about it too - there's always hope.
And last but not least...
Night
Well now. Normally I love you and think you're class, but this behaviour of late is unacceptable! Would you mind coming back and being as vivid and amazing as you used to be? And don't think you can use the excuse that you haven't actually run away - you do every single morning! I am not impressed. And what do I have to do to bring back your insanity? Eat cheese before bed or something?!?!
...Ok, I'd do it. *throws up hands in exasperation*
Day 4 - Your Sibling
Ok so I missed a lot of days there - I was on holiday ^_^
Dear Adam,
Hi! Um... this is awkward. I don't really know what to say...
It's not like we're not close. When you were really young - I actually can't remember it that well, bah humbug long-term memory fail - I always looked after you loads, and because you were so much younger you just seemed lovely.
Then when you were, I don't know, four? Five? I started finding you more annoying - we fought a little bit, and we drifted apart. It's not like we hated each other, far from it, we just had nothing in common and that was when I was sort of being antisocial with the world and his wife so yeah, our relationship basically consisted of teasing each other. But it was ok, it was us and we were comfortable with it.
Lately things are so much better! I mean, I don't think we'll ever be those siblings that can tell each other everything - you are SO much younger than me and I always feel like I'm corrupting your innocence! - but we're close again. I know exactly what caused that too - still no idea what possessed me to have an obsession over Transformers, but hey, it was something that we could both take an interest in and that brought us back together.
Then we started talking in general more as well, and I do feel like I can tell you stuff I can't tell mum and dad, sometimes - mostly because, THANK GOODNESS, you've stopped telling them absolutely everything! You used to be such a tattle-tale! I was too though, we kind of just constantly got each other back in that way I guess.
I WILL convert you to k-pop XD Not completely, that's above and beyond weird, but a bit! The fact that you're starting to like the music is certainly progress!
One thing though. You still freak me out with how feminine you act sometimes. I swear you act more feminine than me sometimes, always wanting hugs from mum, and IT FREAKS ME OUT MORE THAN I WILL EVER LET ON. If you weren't head over heels for Zara I'd wonder.
Oh yeah. Zaraaaaaa XD(It had to be done. It is obligatory!!!)
You're really smart, too, your maths skills probably surpass mine at that age no problemo, and now you're reading Harry Potter hopefully your English'll improve too! Haha yeah sorry but your grammar... it needs to be fixed. Lol.
Oh. And sorry for being such a bad example... I know if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be as lazy as you are or scared of spiders (lololololololololol it amuses me so much how that just APPEARED last month), or gradually more antisocial. I'm only just starting to realise how bad a role model I've been for you in some ways and I'm sorry.
And lastly - I do love you. Even if I'm totally incapable of saying it to your face.
-Emma
This did not improve my mood. Sigh.
Dear Adam,
Hi! Um... this is awkward. I don't really know what to say...
It's not like we're not close. When you were really young - I actually can't remember it that well, bah humbug long-term memory fail - I always looked after you loads, and because you were so much younger you just seemed lovely.
Then when you were, I don't know, four? Five? I started finding you more annoying - we fought a little bit, and we drifted apart. It's not like we hated each other, far from it, we just had nothing in common and that was when I was sort of being antisocial with the world and his wife so yeah, our relationship basically consisted of teasing each other. But it was ok, it was us and we were comfortable with it.
Lately things are so much better! I mean, I don't think we'll ever be those siblings that can tell each other everything - you are SO much younger than me and I always feel like I'm corrupting your innocence! - but we're close again. I know exactly what caused that too - still no idea what possessed me to have an obsession over Transformers, but hey, it was something that we could both take an interest in and that brought us back together.
Then we started talking in general more as well, and I do feel like I can tell you stuff I can't tell mum and dad, sometimes - mostly because, THANK GOODNESS, you've stopped telling them absolutely everything! You used to be such a tattle-tale! I was too though, we kind of just constantly got each other back in that way I guess.
I WILL convert you to k-pop XD Not completely, that's above and beyond weird, but a bit! The fact that you're starting to like the music is certainly progress!
One thing though. You still freak me out with how feminine you act sometimes. I swear you act more feminine than me sometimes, always wanting hugs from mum, and IT FREAKS ME OUT MORE THAN I WILL EVER LET ON. If you weren't head over heels for Zara I'd wonder.
Oh yeah. Zaraaaaaa XD(It had to be done. It is obligatory!!!)
You're really smart, too, your maths skills probably surpass mine at that age no problemo, and now you're reading Harry Potter hopefully your English'll improve too! Haha yeah sorry but your grammar... it needs to be fixed. Lol.
Oh. And sorry for being such a bad example... I know if it wasn't for me you wouldn't be as lazy as you are or scared of spiders (lololololololololol it amuses me so much how that just APPEARED last month), or gradually more antisocial. I'm only just starting to realise how bad a role model I've been for you in some ways and I'm sorry.
And lastly - I do love you. Even if I'm totally incapable of saying it to your face.
-Emma
This did not improve my mood. Sigh.
Day 3 - Your Parents
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Dear mum and dad,
First of all, thank you for being there for me. All my life you've supported me, made me laugh, and wiped all my tears away - I wouldn't be half the person I am today without you.
I'm so glad that you gave me the chance to grow up in a Christian home, because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if I hadn't, I'd be an out-and-out atheist. Comes from a naturally cynical personality I guess. But your influence has lead me to an amazing relationship with God and I'm so thankful for that.
You're certainly not without your faults. Mum, you can be so hard on me and Adam, and I suppose this is really only when you're stressed, but sometimes you SERIOUSLY overreact woman! And in a way this is a good thing - lol fear is a great motivator seems relevant here, because when I was little I NEVER got in trouble because I was so scared of how you'd react. As I've got older this has turned into not doing anything wrong unless I'm absolutely sure I can't get caught, though, which is worse.
Dad, you might be more easy-going most of the time, but your temper's worse, even if it's harder to set it off. And I hate the way you can be so damn PATRONIZING, though this is more on mum's behalf to be honest.
As for both of you put together, the amount of pressure you put on me around exams would be ridiculous if I didn't completely and utterly IGNORE it these days. There is a REASON that I listen to Numb so much more around exams! Ugh. I suppose for English at least it was warranted, I hadn't a clue what I was doing for it so it's a good job you made me revise as much as I did for it. And if left to my own devices I'd probably leave half of it way too late then panic. But still. TONE IT DOWN A BIT. For Adam's sake, if not mine.
This has been pretty angry so far, and reading over it, I suppose I sound unhappy. I'm not, but we're so afraid of confrontation in our house, I just had to get it all off my chest, just this once. Yeah, I should probably just talk to you, but there are a few points in there that could lead the conversation down some other roads that I'd REALLY rather remained unexplored, so this will do. And I honestly feel better.
On to happier things once again! For starters, you've never played favourites. Adam and I have always been treated completely equally, and that's incredible, it happens in so few families. Ok, so you've always been more protective of Adam compared to what you were of me when I was *insert age here* - the scenario coming to mind is mum freaking out because I let Adam cross the road by himself? When I was his age I did that no problem... but all that's more amusing than anything else, because I honestly know that I'm the only one has noticed it XP
And you set such a good example for me! I hope when I'm older I'm almost just like mum - just more laid-back - because you're an amazing woman! I don't know how you manage to be so smart, know EVERYTHING, be so passionate in everything you do, so loving of all of us, and so organised! And I wish I had your navigational skills in a car, lol.
As for dad, I am so like you sometimes it's scary. I have the EXACT same sense of humour, the childishness mixed with several layers of sarcastic snark and wit, the same love of food, the same laid-backness, the same adoration for MATHSSSSS, and your fail memory! Ok no, my memory will forever be screwed up. It remembers some things scarily well because of mum's influence, and there is no pattern to WHAT it remembers, but I blame you for messing that up XD And you need to take us to Chinaaaaaa!
Oh, and I love the banter that you two always have! I actually thought it was normal, and everyone's parents were that sharp-tongued with each other, until I heard about Mrs Winter telling mum "It's a good job you two married each other, I don't know how anyone else would stick you!" That made me lol. But I'm also thankful for the quick wit I've inherited from both of you!
Oh, but mum, WHYYYY did I not inherit your skin??? I WANT IT. I have never tanned in my life. *pout* Meh. I suppose I'm less likely to ruin it? Or get skin cancer?? (I think... ok I have no idea but I know there's some sort of good side to my skin, we'll go with this!) But on the other hand, thank you for my metabolism! It is AMAZING.
As for all our memories together, thank you for giving me all those opportunities! I know how lucky I am, I DON'T take it for granted, yep, my knees are sore... just not in the same way ;)
Um, so in conclusion, I LOVE YOU BOTH!!! Sorry I was so angry at the start, but we never really fight irl so I just needed to vent for once! Oh, and um... no, it's not Claudia's influence. In some ways I'm worse than she is... I just let you think that it's her influence because that's the lesser of two evils ^_^
Love from Emma x
First of all, thank you for being there for me. All my life you've supported me, made me laugh, and wiped all my tears away - I wouldn't be half the person I am today without you.
I'm so glad that you gave me the chance to grow up in a Christian home, because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if I hadn't, I'd be an out-and-out atheist. Comes from a naturally cynical personality I guess. But your influence has lead me to an amazing relationship with God and I'm so thankful for that.
You're certainly not without your faults. Mum, you can be so hard on me and Adam, and I suppose this is really only when you're stressed, but sometimes you SERIOUSLY overreact woman! And in a way this is a good thing - lol fear is a great motivator seems relevant here, because when I was little I NEVER got in trouble because I was so scared of how you'd react. As I've got older this has turned into not doing anything wrong unless I'm absolutely sure I can't get caught, though, which is worse.
Dad, you might be more easy-going most of the time, but your temper's worse, even if it's harder to set it off. And I hate the way you can be so damn PATRONIZING, though this is more on mum's behalf to be honest.
As for both of you put together, the amount of pressure you put on me around exams would be ridiculous if I didn't completely and utterly IGNORE it these days. There is a REASON that I listen to Numb so much more around exams! Ugh. I suppose for English at least it was warranted, I hadn't a clue what I was doing for it so it's a good job you made me revise as much as I did for it. And if left to my own devices I'd probably leave half of it way too late then panic. But still. TONE IT DOWN A BIT. For Adam's sake, if not mine.
This has been pretty angry so far, and reading over it, I suppose I sound unhappy. I'm not, but we're so afraid of confrontation in our house, I just had to get it all off my chest, just this once. Yeah, I should probably just talk to you, but there are a few points in there that could lead the conversation down some other roads that I'd REALLY rather remained unexplored, so this will do. And I honestly feel better.
On to happier things once again! For starters, you've never played favourites. Adam and I have always been treated completely equally, and that's incredible, it happens in so few families. Ok, so you've always been more protective of Adam compared to what you were of me when I was *insert age here* - the scenario coming to mind is mum freaking out because I let Adam cross the road by himself? When I was his age I did that no problem... but all that's more amusing than anything else, because I honestly know that I'm the only one has noticed it XP
And you set such a good example for me! I hope when I'm older I'm almost just like mum - just more laid-back - because you're an amazing woman! I don't know how you manage to be so smart, know EVERYTHING, be so passionate in everything you do, so loving of all of us, and so organised! And I wish I had your navigational skills in a car, lol.
As for dad, I am so like you sometimes it's scary. I have the EXACT same sense of humour, the childishness mixed with several layers of sarcastic snark and wit, the same love of food, the same laid-backness, the same adoration for MATHSSSSS, and your fail memory! Ok no, my memory will forever be screwed up. It remembers some things scarily well because of mum's influence, and there is no pattern to WHAT it remembers, but I blame you for messing that up XD And you need to take us to Chinaaaaaa!
Oh, and I love the banter that you two always have! I actually thought it was normal, and everyone's parents were that sharp-tongued with each other, until I heard about Mrs Winter telling mum "It's a good job you two married each other, I don't know how anyone else would stick you!" That made me lol. But I'm also thankful for the quick wit I've inherited from both of you!
Oh, but mum, WHYYYY did I not inherit your skin??? I WANT IT. I have never tanned in my life. *pout* Meh. I suppose I'm less likely to ruin it? Or get skin cancer?? (I think... ok I have no idea but I know there's some sort of good side to my skin, we'll go with this!) But on the other hand, thank you for my metabolism! It is AMAZING.
As for all our memories together, thank you for giving me all those opportunities! I know how lucky I am, I DON'T take it for granted, yep, my knees are sore... just not in the same way ;)
Um, so in conclusion, I LOVE YOU BOTH!!! Sorry I was so angry at the start, but we never really fight irl so I just needed to vent for once! Oh, and um... no, it's not Claudia's influence. In some ways I'm worse than she is... I just let you think that it's her influence because that's the lesser of two evils ^_^
Love from Emma x
More of this meme!
Monday, 5 July 2010
Day 2 - Your Crush
Dear you,
I'm writing this to you because to be honest I don't have a crush at the moment. I've never really been the type of person to get crushes - I could probably count the number of real ones I've ever had on one hand! And I haven't had a crush for ages. So I had no idea who to write this to, but in the end I chose you because I do like you, even if it isn't in *that* way.
You are great fun, and even though in a way we don't know each other that well, we always have such awesome conversations! There's a reason people get on with you so well, you have such a good sense of humour and you're (usually!) nice to everyone. And you've matured so much from when we first met, for the better, I think. I know our friendship will probably never last, but I'm glad to have known you!
From Emma
(Yes, this was fail)
Dear you,
I'm writing this to you because to be honest I don't have a crush at the moment. I've never really been the type of person to get crushes - I could probably count the number of real ones I've ever had on one hand! And I haven't had a crush for ages. So I had no idea who to write this to, but in the end I chose you because I do like you, even if it isn't in *that* way.
You are great fun, and even though in a way we don't know each other that well, we always have such awesome conversations! There's a reason people get on with you so well, you have such a good sense of humour and you're (usually!) nice to everyone. And you've matured so much from when we first met, for the better, I think. I know our friendship will probably never last, but I'm glad to have known you!
From Emma
(Yes, this was fail)
Because I Am A Copycat!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
Letter a day meme. Should be fun, right?
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Dear hyung, never change!
I mean that. Yes, you have your flaws, everybody does, but without them you wouldn't be you! If you weren't so blunt we'd never have seen Megan dismissing the idea of her being a drama queen while flipping her hair over her shoulder dramatically, if you weren't so stubborn we wouldn't have HAD half of our amazing days out, and if you weren't such a stalker life would be so much less fun!
I don't remember the first day we met. It must have been in P5? Maybe P6? Because mum and I used to go to Freda's every summer for the afternoon, and in P7 I remember asking if I could go over to your's, so I'd obviously been before, I just don't remember it. The only things I remember from that day are thinking "Wow, she really likes Westies," and when we were going on the computer in the cottage, I started looking at all the posters on the wall. You thought I was being polite and deliberately looking away as you typed in your password - "Oh, it's ok, everyone knows my password's pig!" And I'm not sure if it was that day or later in the year, but I vaguely remember that your swing broke while I was there, hehehe.
Then we were in the same class in hgh school, and sitting together in English and form class! I do remember Mrs Fry making that mistake, lol. Then Laura joined us - and Jodie and Natalie? - and we were the Jammy Dodgers! First year = fail.
Second year Tina and Rachel joined us, Jodie and Natalie stopped talking to us, and we were still fail.
Third year we loved the lift! And you discovered Muse. I vaguely remember us having a massive fight for like 3 days - I actually don't remember what it was about or anything, but it might have been third year? Anyway, third year was also fail, but a different kind of fail, a less nerdy kind of fail, a much darker, eviller, Claudomort kind of fail. But that was the year that taught me how to deal with your moodswings, something that very few other people have learnt,so in a way I suppose it was a good thing? so there was a small benefit from the MCR obsession. And by small I kind of mean tiny. We were still oh so very fail XD
Fourth year we started going out to Jims. We were so cool like! But not in a Charlie way. In a FAIL way. And you got out of the emo phase at about the same time as I got into emo music, lol, though to be fair I never got into the emo lifestyle whatsoever so it didn't make much difference. And then there was Peter - that was fourth year, right? My long term memory is RIDICULOUS - and that was awful, you were in so much pain, but then it all turned into anger and I didn't know how to help you! I actually felt pretty distant from you then - remember how I stopped spending time with you four? I had found some new friends and felt like my loyalties were completely torn in two.
Fifth year, and I had made my choice. You made it so much easier for me by making the same choice, and even though I know we both regret it sometimes, I think it was the right choice. We just fit in so much better with those ones! Then, at least. The first half of fifth year was definitely one of the best years of my life, there's never been so much craic - we all got on because of our bond through the dumping bench, and we never seemed to fight! So much better, right?
Then came Christmas. We all laugh about Secret Santa now, but that was the start of it all. And then when I was skiing - with Erica! LONDON!!!! But now I'm getting ahead of myself - I got a text that told me there were some bad times ahead.
I took your side. Sometimes I thought you were totally overreacting, but I stuck with you. And eventually you and Jordan started talking again. I was so relieved, because even though I had made my choice, I didn't want to lose either of you. And even if you'll never be fully ok with them being together - and you have to admit, they're ridiculously well matched and will probably end up getting married and having a family of loud, immature children - I'm so glad that you were able to put away that anger, at least for a while.
When the detectives formed, I don't even know. I still don't have a clue what even happened. At first I was so angry - except with you and Kerri, obviously - then it turned into a game. When Jordan 'explained', I felt so guilty. I was so relieved when it seemed like everything was normal in L6. Until recently. And remember I said I had just downloaded What If? Yeah. Well I'll be honest. You know how much of a Min-bias I have at the moment (I repeat, I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT EITHER XD), and I knew that was the only song he ever sings with KRY, so I was like OOOOH I should look that up again!!!!!! Yes I know, but I love all four of their voices right now, so I was just like wow I need to hear this! So I looked it up, with translated lyrics, and in the middle of listening to it I started crying, because there are so many what ifs in all of our friendships, and I just started wondering, and that's when I noticed that your msn message was 'what if...' as well. But what if things had been so different that we weren't as close, or worse, had been on different sides? Scary. But what if we were all still friends? And I mean really, not just the fake friendship that it seems to be for most of us now. A part of me knows it's not possible, everyone's changed so much, but - what if?
But anyway, L6 has possibly been one of the best years ever. Mostly because of you - pretty much the entire year we were so close, with the exception of maybe a few days here and there, and then we found kpop, and had all our detective outings and FunFridays, and I can honestly say that by now you're practically a sister to me! I mean, we're so different, but so alike, it's impossible to even describe, but you've totally changed me. If it wasn't for you squashing my ego, I'd still be the same know-it-all I was in first year! If it wasn't for you telling me in no uncertain terms that I was going to go out (this is obviously fourth year, lol), everyone would probably still hate me. And if it wasn't for you, I can honestly say that my sense of humour would be EVEN MORE underdeveloped than it is now!
I'll be honest - I think most of our friends are convinced that you bully me around. However, out of all the times you've talked me into doing something crazy - like falling in love with a bunch of Asians!!! - I don't think there's ever been anything I've regretted. And besides which, you do NOT always get your way - remember that time you wanted to see The Ugly Truth? I insisted we watch GI Joe instead ^_^ And yeah, you tend to have some terrifyingly bad moods, but if you don't laugh after two relevant inside jokes then you just need some time left alone. If other people can't figure out that ridiculously simple formula they are idiots.
Yes, I am your taxi now *long-suffering sigh* Lol not really, the excitement hasn't worn off yet and don't you think I'll still be your slave when it does! Besides, you have your own test to pass in a few months!
This has been a really long letter, and I'm pretty sure I went WAAAAAY off topic several times, and it's been way more serious than I wanted it to be, but I'll just finish by saying that no one else makes me laugh like you do, you're in pretty much all of my favourite memories, so if you think for one second that I'll let you disappear on me when we're at uni you have another think coming! Who says we have to stop with FunFridays? Even if they were once a month, we're both, I think, going to Belfast, so it shouldn't be too hard! And I will bring you with me on my gallivanting! Well ok, maybe not, because you might have uni to attend to when I'm on my year out, but YES to going to Seoul! We can put our stalking talents to good use!
But you are wrong. Some day I WILL find out what powder means.
It feels like this should seriously END. Like now! Lol it's so long. So to sum up, I'd obviously be lying if I said "I never look back, darling, it distracts from the now!" Due to Captain Claud, I would be insane if I said in my future memories I want "NO CAPES!" I am one of your few friends who do not obey you simply because "Fear is a great motivator", but because "We are good friendship okay?" No matter what you think, it is also not because "You are so gorgeous" and have a "beautiful face". Yes, I have become your taxi, but this is only because "I collect cars. I do it everyday!" and I am going to use my car to take us first to Seoul, but more importantly, to SHREWSBURY! Or maybe we should go in that golf cart we were going to give to Steven... But on our round the world tour we might get stuck on an island with the LORD OF THE ELIS!!! Which would make our lives "Short. Very short." Like something else!!! Ok this is bad... I'm starting to think you threw my innocence in the Christmas tree fire! And you're probably laughing RIGHT NOW about that, just like Leeteuk! In fact, your meanness is such that you probably would shoot me instead of giving me a glass of malk/dilating juice!!!
Ok no, I can practically hear you saying "No WAY!!!" because I know that you're not really that mean. You are Claudia, and I should probably inform you... the herbs are working. I wonder who had it in them?
THAT IS ALL
From Emma! aka magnae
Day 1 - Your Best Friend
Dear hyung, never change!
I mean that. Yes, you have your flaws, everybody does, but without them you wouldn't be you! If you weren't so blunt we'd never have seen Megan dismissing the idea of her being a drama queen while flipping her hair over her shoulder dramatically, if you weren't so stubborn we wouldn't have HAD half of our amazing days out, and if you weren't such a stalker life would be so much less fun!
I don't remember the first day we met. It must have been in P5? Maybe P6? Because mum and I used to go to Freda's every summer for the afternoon, and in P7 I remember asking if I could go over to your's, so I'd obviously been before, I just don't remember it. The only things I remember from that day are thinking "Wow, she really likes Westies," and when we were going on the computer in the cottage, I started looking at all the posters on the wall. You thought I was being polite and deliberately looking away as you typed in your password - "Oh, it's ok, everyone knows my password's pig!" And I'm not sure if it was that day or later in the year, but I vaguely remember that your swing broke while I was there, hehehe.
Then we were in the same class in hgh school, and sitting together in English and form class! I do remember Mrs Fry making that mistake, lol. Then Laura joined us - and Jodie and Natalie? - and we were the Jammy Dodgers! First year = fail.
Second year Tina and Rachel joined us, Jodie and Natalie stopped talking to us, and we were still fail.
Third year we loved the lift! And you discovered Muse. I vaguely remember us having a massive fight for like 3 days - I actually don't remember what it was about or anything, but it might have been third year? Anyway, third year was also fail, but a different kind of fail, a less nerdy kind of fail, a much darker, eviller, Claudomort kind of fail. But that was the year that taught me how to deal with your moodswings, something that very few other people have learnt,
Fourth year we started going out to Jims. We were so cool like! But not in a Charlie way. In a FAIL way. And you got out of the emo phase at about the same time as I got into emo music, lol, though to be fair I never got into the emo lifestyle whatsoever so it didn't make much difference. And then there was Peter - that was fourth year, right? My long term memory is RIDICULOUS - and that was awful, you were in so much pain, but then it all turned into anger and I didn't know how to help you! I actually felt pretty distant from you then - remember how I stopped spending time with you four? I had found some new friends and felt like my loyalties were completely torn in two.
Fifth year, and I had made my choice. You made it so much easier for me by making the same choice, and even though I know we both regret it sometimes, I think it was the right choice. We just fit in so much better with those ones! Then, at least. The first half of fifth year was definitely one of the best years of my life, there's never been so much craic - we all got on because of our bond through the dumping bench, and we never seemed to fight! So much better, right?
Then came Christmas. We all laugh about Secret Santa now, but that was the start of it all. And then when I was skiing - with Erica! LONDON!!!! But now I'm getting ahead of myself - I got a text that told me there were some bad times ahead.
I took your side. Sometimes I thought you were totally overreacting, but I stuck with you. And eventually you and Jordan started talking again. I was so relieved, because even though I had made my choice, I didn't want to lose either of you. And even if you'll never be fully ok with them being together - and you have to admit, they're ridiculously well matched and will probably end up getting married and having a family of loud, immature children - I'm so glad that you were able to put away that anger, at least for a while.
When the detectives formed, I don't even know. I still don't have a clue what even happened. At first I was so angry - except with you and Kerri, obviously - then it turned into a game. When Jordan 'explained', I felt so guilty. I was so relieved when it seemed like everything was normal in L6. Until recently. And remember I said I had just downloaded What If? Yeah. Well I'll be honest. You know how much of a Min-bias I have at the moment (I repeat, I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT EITHER XD), and I knew that was the only song he ever sings with KRY, so I was like OOOOH I should look that up again!!!!!! Yes I know, but I love all four of their voices right now, so I was just like wow I need to hear this! So I looked it up, with translated lyrics, and in the middle of listening to it I started crying, because there are so many what ifs in all of our friendships, and I just started wondering, and that's when I noticed that your msn message was 'what if...' as well. But what if things had been so different that we weren't as close, or worse, had been on different sides? Scary. But what if we were all still friends? And I mean really, not just the fake friendship that it seems to be for most of us now. A part of me knows it's not possible, everyone's changed so much, but - what if?
But anyway, L6 has possibly been one of the best years ever. Mostly because of you - pretty much the entire year we were so close, with the exception of maybe a few days here and there, and then we found kpop, and had all our detective outings and FunFridays, and I can honestly say that by now you're practically a sister to me! I mean, we're so different, but so alike, it's impossible to even describe, but you've totally changed me. If it wasn't for you squashing my ego, I'd still be the same know-it-all I was in first year! If it wasn't for you telling me in no uncertain terms that I was going to go out (this is obviously fourth year, lol), everyone would probably still hate me. And if it wasn't for you, I can honestly say that my sense of humour would be EVEN MORE underdeveloped than it is now!
I'll be honest - I think most of our friends are convinced that you bully me around. However, out of all the times you've talked me into doing something crazy - like falling in love with a bunch of Asians!!! - I don't think there's ever been anything I've regretted. And besides which, you do NOT always get your way - remember that time you wanted to see The Ugly Truth? I insisted we watch GI Joe instead ^_^ And yeah, you tend to have some terrifyingly bad moods, but if you don't laugh after two relevant inside jokes then you just need some time left alone. If other people can't figure out that ridiculously simple formula they are idiots.
Yes, I am your taxi now *long-suffering sigh* Lol not really, the excitement hasn't worn off yet and don't you think I'll still be your slave when it does! Besides, you have your own test to pass in a few months!
This has been a really long letter, and I'm pretty sure I went WAAAAAY off topic several times, and it's been way more serious than I wanted it to be, but I'll just finish by saying that no one else makes me laugh like you do, you're in pretty much all of my favourite memories, so if you think for one second that I'll let you disappear on me when we're at uni you have another think coming! Who says we have to stop with FunFridays? Even if they were once a month, we're both, I think, going to Belfast, so it shouldn't be too hard! And I will bring you with me on my gallivanting! Well ok, maybe not, because you might have uni to attend to when I'm on my year out, but YES to going to Seoul! We can put our stalking talents to good use!
But you are wrong. Some day I WILL find out what powder means.
It feels like this should seriously END. Like now! Lol it's so long. So to sum up, I'd obviously be lying if I said "I never look back, darling, it distracts from the now!" Due to Captain Claud, I would be insane if I said in my future memories I want "NO CAPES!" I am one of your few friends who do not obey you simply because "Fear is a great motivator", but because "We are good friendship okay?" No matter what you think, it is also not because "You are so gorgeous" and have a "beautiful face". Yes, I have become your taxi, but this is only because "I collect cars. I do it everyday!" and I am going to use my car to take us first to Seoul, but more importantly, to SHREWSBURY! Or maybe we should go in that golf cart we were going to give to Steven... But on our round the world tour we might get stuck on an island with the LORD OF THE ELIS!!! Which would make our lives "Short. Very short." Like something else!!! Ok this is bad... I'm starting to think you threw my innocence in the Christmas tree fire! And you're probably laughing RIGHT NOW about that, just like Leeteuk! In fact, your meanness is such that you probably would shoot me instead of giving me a glass of malk/dilating juice!!!
Ok no, I can practically hear you saying "No WAY!!!" because I know that you're not really that mean. You are Claudia, and I should probably inform you... the herbs are working. I wonder who had it in them?
THAT IS ALL
From Emma! aka magnae
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Total Pageviews
About Me
- emma-dilemma
- Welcome to Emma's blog, where you can expect many cryptic clues and letters to random people! Oh, and some stuff about me, too.