This Is What Happens When My Brain Is Poked

So I'm typing and I have no idea what's going to happen in this blog post, so this could be interesting or just really really dull...

First of all, stripping in English, that was so so funny, I NEVER thought I'd see the day when Mr Cowan would blush!

Sarah's dyed her hair ginger, and I haven't seen it yet! Also, I almost wrote that she'd "died", but if she did that would be a DISASTER because then we wouldn't know who she wrote to, that would be no fun, unless we could persuade Jordan to tell us. I suppose I could always threaten Jordan to tell me or else I'll tell everyone where she put her blog, but she might not take kindly to that, then I'd be the one who'd died! Bad times. Death isn't fun, I know from experience as Mrs Past.

Hmm, I wonder what makes a good blog post for the few who actually read this thing... The cryptic ones are definitely the most fun to write, and the least fun to read, for me at least. I like reading ones that make me laugh!

So to fulfill the required cryptic element of the blog: awww recs are harder than stories, I don't HAVE anything to rec! This could get difficult very quickly... Bad new rule. But I guess it could be fun?

Lol good luck understanding THAT. Even the person (you know who you are) who is a RIDICULOUSLY good stalker shouldn't be able to understand that. Kekeke.

I'm going to create a list of things to do before DE(A)TH.
-Go to the World Expo! It looks amazing!!!
-Travel the world, how cliché.
-Possibly write a book or something, that'd be fun if I was capable of finishing it instead of procrastinating my own death.
-Learn to dance. At least passably, at the moment it's just embarrassing!

I can add more later, that'll do for now.

On another note, mum just came in and I opened another tab so she wouldn't notice blogger, then she made me show her how facebook works, that WAS NOT WORTH IT. Why so nosy/lecturous lately?! Argh.

I had a really fun conversation with Hermine today, what's up with that?! Normally it's dead awkward and I'm wishing the period would go by faster, but it was dead on today, that's really odd.

I think Kerri and I need to make plans for next Sunday. Saturday is obviously out due to Board Game Night, but after that preview... something tells me she'd be upset to miss it, I KNOW I WOULD BE.

I should go to bed early. I probably won't, but at least I have good intentions, right?

Secrets

Everybody has secrets. And to be perfectly honest, I think secrets are great fun.

There are the secrets that are all yours - "We should pick out of a hat!" Haha that's so... ambiguous, but at least we were being very productive (...kekeke)!

Then there are the ones that aren't entirely secret, but are something that you share with just a few friends - "...How are you?" "FABULOUS."

Then there are the ones that are very secretive indeed because if people found out it would lead to death!!!! - "You know what's weird? THIS."

Then there are the secrets from years back, that aren't yours to tell. When you know something, about someone you don't know that well, that you never had the right to find out. Or at least you think you know, even if you're not sure.

There are the secrets that you will not divulge, even if it's not that important, even under pressure, because you don't want to break the trust that you've only just managed to win back.

There are those that seem innocuous, but when you hear the whispers, you realise how much pain they're hiding in what goes unsaid.

And then there are the ones which we guess at for half an hour and are met with a stony, killjoy-type silence. This is the infuriating type of secret, the one that is just a bit of fun but hidden away anyway. It's so mean to take that fun away from us, don't you agree?

Yes, Sarah Louise Bolton, I AM LOOKING AT YOU.

That is all!

(What. You weren't expecting me to actually TELL any secrets, were you?)

"Sworn under an oath..."

Ironically, the title of this post is the only line I can properly make out from my current favourite song. But it also sums this up pretty well.

Firstly, I MISSED MERLIN LAST NIGHT THAT'S UPSETTING. But it's recorded and I'm going to go watch it once I'm finished writing this ^_^

Secondly, I have come to the conclusion that loyalty is far too rare these days.

I am so, so sick of the way everyone seems to talk behind everyone else's back at every opportunity. I am so sick of the way that sometimes it feels like I'm being asked to choose sides, even though by all appearances each side is an ally of the others. And I'm sick of the way everyone judges without knowing the whole story.

And I am so aware that this is hypocritical. Everyone does it, myself included. But now I just can't take it any more.

I'm not usually a protective person. Normally I lean towards the 'take care of yourself' philosophy. But maybe that's the change that's made me realise how two-faced people can be.

What infuriates me the most is that no one else seems to notice, or if they do, they mustn't care. Maybe it's because everyone wears a mask, whether they realise it or not, because everyone cares about what other people think, whether they realise it or not. And some people's masks are more convincing than others. Sometimes it's hard to tell when someone's suffering.

But everyone suffers.

And I don't care any more.

If I haven't made it clear enough already, I'm not going to take sides over this. For one thing, I keep my promises. And for another thing, when I know someone I care about is suffering, I'm going to try and help.

Maybe you don't know. But if you did, would you care? Or do prejudice and annoyance stand in your way too much?

"Her nimble fingers still feel the cold"

Every year, this happens. I become a really sad person and totally fall in love with rehearsals for Shakespeare.

I don't even know, it's just so much FUN! People messing up their lines - "Demetrius slept with Helena!" - and getting cake, and standing in for absent people (here I refer to James pretending to be Kerri, not Colonel Regimond standing in for me XD), and seeing scenes that were originally kinda crap suddenly become awesome!

The highlight of today was definitely starting to figure out ideas for the upcoming catfight scene! The first time they lifted me I freaked out so much, I wasn't BALANCED and then they lifted me even higher, I thought I was gonna fall on my head! But actually that bit is going to be ridiculously fun, if a little painful, hehe.

Also amusing was everyone's shock when it turned out I actually had a pillow and blanket hidden in my deceptively small bag! Ok no, that bag's big, but it doesn't look quite THAT big.

Jason trying to shake James off his leg was just hilarious and brilliant. And now we have a donkey's head! Good job.

Finally, the fairies! That scene is going to look AMAZING once they get it fine-tuned! And costumes and stuff, obviously. And I absolutely love the music for that scene! I downloaded it earlier - it kind of sounds like something you'd hear from Two Steps From Hell, it has echoes of Eria or Atlantis. So so pretty and haunting, but they get the menace across as well. I love that I get to watch it ^^

Sorry to any followers of my blog who want to stab me now, Shakespeare can be a touchy subject... but I love it, because I'm just a big nerd like that =P

A Blogger Blog

Everyone is joining blogger! Kind of glad I've been here so long, I can't be accused of being the copycat. Well, I did steal meme ideas from Claudia, and I wouldn't have made this if she hadn't first, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

I'm liking that there are so many more updates on my dashboard now, it makes for something to read every day. On the other hand... do I like that more people are reading this or not? At any rate, I spent a couple of months writing in it, assuming that only a couple of people who I'd actually given the link would be able to find it, and read it. So I was slightly too open, I think... On some of the older ones, anyway. But I do like people being able to read what I write, it gives me purpose. And I do love writing.

Also, EVERYONE should do that letter meme. It's amazingly fun. I know of 3 people currently doing it, 2 people who have finished it, 1 person thinking of doing it... and 1 person who's given up on it. Lol.

On a completely different note, SU today was an interesting experience. I haven't been in what feels like forever! Sadly we did too many laps to get there in time for the good food, aww. And hmm. For half of it I was paying absolute attention, focused completely on the sincerity that was making me feel so guilty. The other half, my attention wandered away, because it felt like the sincerity was gone. It WASN'T, but I don't know. I just couldn't, wouldn't focus. So I just gave up.

Ok this is a really fail post. I don't like it at all. I think Sarah and James have stolen all my ability to write =/

Storytime!

So in this post there are a lot of things I could talk about. I could describe the trip to the black box theatre, and how, somehow, no one else seemed to notice when of all the wrong names Jason could have said, he came out with "Stacey" during that name game. I could whine about the maths homework I had to do to catch up on a missed double today (no idea what we did in stats and as for French, I'm just very confused). Or, I could spaz about how much I love Two Steps From Hell, because I love them more than I usually do today.

BUT NO!

Today it's time for a story.

So, after we got home from the workshop, I popped into the common room to get maths. There I encountered Amy Grace, and offered to give her a lift home. So we walk out to my car... I get in straight away, but she takes an awfully long time. At first, I think this is because she's putting her stuff in the boot, but no, she gets in without closing the boot, and still has her stuff. And she's giggling. And John's lurking behind the car... I conclude that John must have opened the boot in some sort of practical joke failure, it being a failure because when I stare at him confusedly out the back window he just laughs and closes it for me. Mentally shrugging, I close my door and start rummaging for my glasses. I really hate driving without them, I feel like I can't see properly and am going to crash ahhh. It's upsetting.

THEN. I hear a laugh that's neither mine, Amy's, nor John's, and as far as I can see no one else is near enough to my car for me to be able to hear them so clearly...

At this point I realise there is SOMEONE IN THE BOOT OF MY CAR.

Amy notices my realisation and immediately whispers to me "Start the car and reverse a bit, just to freak him out!" I'm very amused by now, so I do this, never mind that my bag's perched precariously on my lap, I haven't found my glasses yet and I haven't even put my seatbelt on!!

There's a squeak from the boot. Giggling, I reverse the rest of the way out. More squeaks and a slight thud.

John's standing against his own car with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face (such a poser), but once I've reversed out the whole way he starts to walk over. I think he must be going to let my stowaway out... but no... he gestures for me to put my window down. I do, and he whispers, so my poor stowaway can't hear, "Drive down to the bottom of Knockchree Avenue, you can let him out there." Because there's someone across from me wanting out, I aquiesce to this demand, quickly find my glasses, put my seatbelt on, and DRIVE.

So then my poor stowaway really starts to freak out. I get out the school gates in one piece, but feel like I've forgotten how to drive - I turn round the island in the middle of Knockchree Avenue without indicating, whoops. Then again, people forget to do that all the time, and most of them don't have their attention torn between the road and the rearview mirror, in which Josh's head has just appeared.

So then I'm driving down Knockchree Avenue, and I can see James, Mark, and Mark's little sister (incidentally, before this I didn't know what she looked like!) in the car behind, looking slightly puzzled. Or maybe that's my imagination, because the situation was surreal enough that everything was puzzling for me at that moment in time.

Josh is now practically wrestling with the - lid? what do you call that thing? - of my boot, and complaining that it won't move to let him out. This is distracting.

He eventually wins this battle, and literally ROLLS over the top of the seats in the back, and sits down. I have no idea how I managed to not crash the car from laughing too hard.

The three of us then have a frantic discussion about WHAT DO WE DO WITH HIM NOW. Is he going to Mark's house?! After Josh waves at them enthusiastically we phone the people in the car behind (well, I don't, they do, I'm still driving, mostly) to find out, but no he isn't. Then we realise he had an SU thing, so it's ok that he's missed the bus. Then we realise my car has no back doors! Or at least, we realise this is a problem if we want to let Josh out at the bottom of Knockchree Avenue.

However, it is quickly solved! Amy Grace jumps into the back and Josh skillfully manouvers himself out. We bid him farewell, and Amy Grace climbs back into the front, asking as she does so if I mind her standing on my seats (I don't, I do it practically every time I need into the back, which is practically never anyway) and muttering to herself about how ladylike and graceful that was. Amy Grace amuses me.

And I just realised that concludes my story! (I won't include the part where I almost reverse into a tree at Amy Grace's house.)

Why? and How? seem like appropriate questions right now

Ok. So I'm being a good girl and doing my homework. After wanting to die I finally got all of my Physics out of the way. I start into French and think ughhhh this is a horrible homework make it stop, but after what, 5 minutes, I stop complaining because it turns out that when you're learning things that you probably should know about your own country BUT IN FRENCH it's actually kind of interesting. Who'd have thought it?

Then as I'm writing out this thing about L'immigration en Irlande du Nord I realise that I don't know the translation for 'Middle East', and I don't trust the translation google gives me. I go to French wikipedia, look up Pakistan (which, it turns out, is actually classified as Southern Asia, whoops), scroll to the bottom and click on the expandable thingy to see all the different parts of Asia. Ok, 'Middle East' = 'Moyen Orient', google was right, yay! Then, under East Asia, I see a link for Corée du Sud.

Obviously I clicked on it, it's not like I have more willpower than curiosity, but will someone please explain to me WHY Korean culture is even more interesting when written in French??? And why I feel a sense of achievement every time I see a word - Korean word, that is - that I recognise?

And most importantly, WHY AM I NOW HAVING THE URGE TO LEARN MANDARIN CHINESE THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE-

ni hao, wo shi emma, wo ai ni! (shut up I don't understand pinyin, so no tones)

ooooooh and lookie! (crap crap crap I didn't realise google translate would do THAT, is that my name I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE IT, someone make it stop I still haven't finished this French thing and I have other things to dooooooooo) Ok no still LOOK:

你好，我是艾玛，我爱你

So pretty! And I can write (most of) that! ^^ /shot

Is That A Man Or A Woman?!

Aujourd'hui, j'écris en français. J'ai besoin de le practiquer.

Deux choses. D'abord, j'adore Bonjour tristesse! Je viens de commencer le lire, et je le trouve très agréable, j'aime bien le style avec qui François Sagan ecrit.

Mais aussi, j'écris en ce moment parce que pour moi, c'est un moyen d'évasion. Je ne sais pas pourquoi, je ne comprend pas pourquoi, mais ce soir, la tristesse m'a trouvé. Ce n'était pas un jour affreux, pas du tout, mais je sens très découragé maintenant.

Donc, je voudrais dire simplement que je suis d'accord avec l'auteur - oui, la tristesse est un sentiment completement égoïste.

Et maintenant, un poème.

Adieu tristesse
Bonjour tristesse
Tu es inscrite dans les lignes du plafond
Tu es inscrite dans les yeux que j'aime
Tu n'es pas tout à fait la misère
Car les lèvres les plus pauvres te dénoncent
Par un sourire
Bonjour tristesse
Amour des corps aimables
Puissance de l'amour
Dont l'amabilité surgit
Comme un monstre sans corps
Tête désappointée
Tristesse beau visage.

Non, je ne l'ai pas écrit.

Abnormal? Why Yes I Am.

1) I apparently have a stalker and it amuses me.

2) I am developing a liking for French grammar, WHY.

3) I managed to forget I had a sore throat by LAUGHING. Really hard. You'd think that would be counterproductive.

4) Jane Eyre < The Illusionist

5) I am female. I hate cleaning. And sappy movies.

Okay enough of this nonsense. Midsummer Night's Dream is going to be so much fun, though if we can get through the workman scenes before the workshop without laughing it'll be a miracle! They are just pure genius!

That is all (apart from that today was dull)

Sick =(

Today I am feeling a tad under the weather. I think someone's filled my head with sawdust.

To say this is unpleasant would be both obvious and an understatement.

I missed the Queens Open Day today, that's not so great considering I might, you know, WANT TO GO THERE SOMEDAY. But I suppose it's better than missing a proper day of school and having a pile of homework to catch up on. And at least I've been round it a few times before, too.

Kyaaa I feel sleepy.

Several interesting things have happened of late: we've started reading Jane Eyre in English and I kind of like it more than The Illusionist - I think because its tone is less depressing - and I was happily reading it in the library when my eyes suddenly came to the word "effluvia" and then I giggled to myself - I have since looked it up, it means 'noisome vapour'. That's so random, why the flipper is it in TWO books I've read in the past month??

James found this thing last night and was stalking me reading it; him I don't mind, but that's really really not good, that means other people can find it too! Oh dear dear dear. BUT, he said he liked my writing style! That made me SO happy, because writing is one of my greatest loves - when procrastination skills don't prevent it - and to hear that I'm actually kind of good at it meant so much to me.

Claudia... interesting things happened there. *does not elaborate*

electronic manic supersonic bionic energy~ BoA is awesome, LOVE Hurricane Venus right now! Game too!

Yay this is cheering me up, I felt all depressed before and now not so much!

Hmm, I kind of want some chocolate. Are you allowed to eat chocolate when you're sick? Why am I even asking, I ate enough of it yesterday to prove that I don't really care.

On another note I finished a THING yesterday! Or at least one of the parts of the thing. And now it's no longer my turn!!! Yay!

I love emails a large amount. Emails are fun, they let me keep in contact with people when tis difficile, they're very underrated.

Internet is being screwy, do not approve. TWICE now we've had to unplug the router just to get it to connect properly! On one hand, at least we know how to fix it, on the other hand WHYYYY.

Ooh I don't feel as sick now! Yay ^_^ Maybe thinking of silly things to write about made my brain work, and then brain returning to my head got rid of some of the sawdust! Cool beans.

Vanilla Twilight is such a relaxing song <3

Physics yesterday was so much fun!!! I do kind of love Physics, I hope I don't hate it too much this year... But yeah, getting drunk/beer goggles was hilarious! Stumbling about, trying to play ten pin bowling, and throwing balls back and forth, BRILLIANT.

I also hope I don't hate stats too much.

I will probably hate English a lot.

I could NEVER hate French, I like Bonjour Tristesse already, WWII French perspective sounds fun, multicultural society is already fun... but ugh environment, that IS a bit rubbish.

Mrs Keown's maths will be amazing as always, Peter trying (and failing) to make friends with Naomi amused me SO MUCH on Tuesday!

Midsummer Nights Dream better be good, the workmen scenes are obviously gonna steal the show - the only fun thing I get to do really is pretty much tell John "NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU." Haha how do ours always turn out so rude XD

Ohhh one of the blogs I stalk got updated!!!! Yay! Royalty obsession much, lol? Not that I disapprove, though. Also, giggling right now:

“Your tone was insolent,”
“No, my tone was dry,”
“Perhaps some water would help,”
“No, dear, not that kind of ‘dry’.”

asdhjakshdas So that's why I stalk!!! Fluff is good. Cracky fluff is better, it makes me feel all giddy inside.

MERLIN IS BACK ON SATURDAY :D

Claudiabean appears to have an ebay addiction, oh dear dear dear.

The letter I got today was so sad! It upset me. But it was so nice. I just feel really bad. I'm sorry. I kind of want to give you a hug now, though I know that wouldn't be very well received.

I meant to fix my momentum slide and learn my French vocab today. #fail

OH MY GOODNESS. (Oh my SOUL!) Someone is being emo. It is annoying.

This is fragmented, and no longer coherent, and long enough! But suffice to say that I feel way better than when I started writing it, both physically and emotionally.

-In fact, right at this second, the combination of reading beautiful fiction and listening to beautiful music is making my heart swell in happiness. I feel so at peace.

Rant

Anger anger anger.

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!

Arghhhhhhhhh.

You are being so awkward, and so ridiculous. What, so things aren't going to be exactly as you want them to be so you just leave? You're sulking. Like you're five frigging years old. Grow up.

Or maybe you're lying about your excuse. It wouldn't be the first time. Don't think I didn't find it suspicious last year that every single time without fail, you were busy, or felt sick, or something came up at the very last minute. I'm sure it was just a coincidence, though.

Ok so you've changed your mind AGAIN. You are so unreliable and contradictory, and I am SO sick of it.

I hate how it's so impossible to get you to make your mind up.

I hate how you can be so selfish, and how everything has to be on your terms.

I hate how you expect us to put up with all your crap.

And most of all, I hate how it's impossible to stay mad at you. It's like trying to be angry with a child who doesn't know what it's doing wrong. You'll be forgiven soon, probably tomorrow, in fact. But right now? I am SO angry with you.