Dear Reflection,
Hello. I see you quite often.
You have a pretty forgettable face. No remarkable features, except maybe the big nose (as pointed out by Claudia). Decent skin, which is nice, I quite like my eyes, hair that grows dreadfully slowly. You rarely wear make-up, something which contributes to the fact that you can easily pass for 14, a handy little trick for getting reduced rates, sometimes! And I'm happy with my body, good genes are a good thing. Even if I'm a tad short, lol.
You smile. It's gummy. You smile again, trying to prevent the gumminess. It looks fake.
Sometimes, you don't look quite the same. Sometimes I'm completely ecstatic, and can't wipe the smile off my face. Sometimes I just can't stop laughing. Sometimes I'm incredibly upset, and actually crying. Sometimes I'm so angry that it shows.
But usually, you look exactly the same. Is it a bad thing that I've become so good at hiding the times when I'm vibrating with tension, when I'm kind of depressed for no good reason, or when I kind of want to kill something a little bit?
You look quite innocent. Apparently, there are many people who think I'm innocent. This amuses me more than it should.
You actually look kind of shy. Your normal expression isn't really very friendly, either. No wonder people don't go out of their way to talk to you.
One thing you have DEFINITELY mastered is the art of looking like you're listening. Occasionally, your eyes glaze over, but normally if you're daydreaming it doesn't actually show. Which is a very good thing.
Actually, you look like any other normal person. But you definitely don't live in this world. Not most of the time, anyway.
You are the part of me that everyone sees. They judge me on you. And my words and actions. They don't judge me on what goes on in my head. I think that you sum me up, without ever giving too much away. I'm happy with my reflection. You are a part of me. And I am happy with me.
-Emma
Day 29 - The Person That You Want To Tell Everything To, But Are Too Afraid To
Dear Person,
Originally, this letter was very angry.
I'm no longer angry. I no longer wonder why we seem to be so close, when really there's a massive gap between us. Because it doesn't feel like that gap's there any more.
Maybe it is. But at the moment, I don't see it.
That doesn't mean I'm going to open up, though. Yes, you're less judgemental than my other friends, in some ways, and yes, you have more knowledge and experience of certain things. But the thing is that I DO know you. I know that you're not as perfect as you're sometimes seen as. I know that you're not always totally honest. Most importantly, I know that so often, you don't listen when it matters most.
It's not that I'm mad at you. It's not that I have no confidence in you. But if I know that you'd never tell me things in return, then I don't see the point in making this friendship unequal.
-Emma
Originally, this letter was very angry.
I'm no longer angry. I no longer wonder why we seem to be so close, when really there's a massive gap between us. Because it doesn't feel like that gap's there any more.
Maybe it is. But at the moment, I don't see it.
That doesn't mean I'm going to open up, though. Yes, you're less judgemental than my other friends, in some ways, and yes, you have more knowledge and experience of certain things. But the thing is that I DO know you. I know that you're not as perfect as you're sometimes seen as. I know that you're not always totally honest. Most importantly, I know that so often, you don't listen when it matters most.
It's not that I'm mad at you. It's not that I have no confidence in you. But if I know that you'd never tell me things in return, then I don't see the point in making this friendship unequal.
-Emma
Day 28 - Someone That Changed Your Life
Dear God,
I don't know who I'd be today if I didn't know you. Sometimes the thought of how different I could be scares me. Sometimes the thought that I'd be exactly the same scares me even more.
I know that I can always turn to you when I'm in need, even though so often I don't. I know that you have given me so much, even though so often I take it for granted. I know that each day you're changing me to be more like you, even though sometimes it feels like I'm no different.
I've known you all my life - you were always present, because both my parents were Christians, and we live in an area with such heavy Christian influence - though with all the sectarianism and intolerance, that's not entirely a good thing, especially when it's basically created a society of extremes, Christians vs atheists, Protestants vs Catholics, and I really hate those divides - that it was inevitable that I had some idea of you. Of course, knowing of you and actually knowing you personally are two very different things, but I became a Christian when I was 8 years old, and have never regretted it since.
That's not to say I don't struggle. For several years - um, third year, fourth year and fifth year, I think? Maybe not third year, actually - I started having serious doubts that you existed. I don't even know, I was just feeling so cynical or something, but with your help, I fought back against those doubts, and this past year I haven't really had any of those atheistic notions.
Temptation is always a big struggle. Sometimes more than others.
But I know that you're always there for me, ready to help me fight back against those temptations, forgive me when I stumble, love me through it all.
I think, overall, that it's pretty fair to say you've changed my life. Even if sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. But then, don't we all?
-Emma
I don't know who I'd be today if I didn't know you. Sometimes the thought of how different I could be scares me. Sometimes the thought that I'd be exactly the same scares me even more.
I know that I can always turn to you when I'm in need, even though so often I don't. I know that you have given me so much, even though so often I take it for granted. I know that each day you're changing me to be more like you, even though sometimes it feels like I'm no different.
I've known you all my life - you were always present, because both my parents were Christians, and we live in an area with such heavy Christian influence - though with all the sectarianism and intolerance, that's not entirely a good thing, especially when it's basically created a society of extremes, Christians vs atheists, Protestants vs Catholics, and I really hate those divides - that it was inevitable that I had some idea of you. Of course, knowing of you and actually knowing you personally are two very different things, but I became a Christian when I was 8 years old, and have never regretted it since.
That's not to say I don't struggle. For several years - um, third year, fourth year and fifth year, I think? Maybe not third year, actually - I started having serious doubts that you existed. I don't even know, I was just feeling so cynical or something, but with your help, I fought back against those doubts, and this past year I haven't really had any of those atheistic notions.
Temptation is always a big struggle. Sometimes more than others.
But I know that you're always there for me, ready to help me fight back against those temptations, forgive me when I stumble, love me through it all.
I think, overall, that it's pretty fair to say you've changed my life. Even if sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. But then, don't we all?
-Emma
Day 27 - The Friendliest Person You Knew For Only One Day
Monday, 30 August 2010
Dear Lauren,
I was never expecting to meet you! When I was arranging to meet up with Erica in London, it never crossed my mind that she might bring someone with her, but you came with her, which really surprised me!
I'm so glad you did come, though.
That day was one of the best days ever. Of course, at first, it was so awkward, I was beginning to regret setting the whole thing up, because no one really knew what to say to either of you! And as for American Apparel... it was a weird shop.
But when we went to Starbucks, all of that just melted away, like the chocolate chips in the cookies that you had never thought to ask to be heated before! We were so shocked to hear that you didn't know what spuds were, then we swapped so many local slang words, and just talked about everything, it was brilliant! Before that, I had kind of just talked to Erica, I hadn't really known what to say to you, but that broke the ice between us all! Ha tea solves everything.
I wish you hadn't had to leave as soon as we got back to the Tube station - it was such a short afternoon, and it went by so fast! I gave you a hug - which so often feels weird, but with you it wasn't - and you were gone. It kind of felt unfair that Erica could stay and you couldn't, but I'm so glad to have met you, even if that time was cut way too short.
-Emma
I was never expecting to meet you! When I was arranging to meet up with Erica in London, it never crossed my mind that she might bring someone with her, but you came with her, which really surprised me!
I'm so glad you did come, though.
That day was one of the best days ever. Of course, at first, it was so awkward, I was beginning to regret setting the whole thing up, because no one really knew what to say to either of you! And as for American Apparel... it was a weird shop.
But when we went to Starbucks, all of that just melted away, like the chocolate chips in the cookies that you had never thought to ask to be heated before! We were so shocked to hear that you didn't know what spuds were, then we swapped so many local slang words, and just talked about everything, it was brilliant! Before that, I had kind of just talked to Erica, I hadn't really known what to say to you, but that broke the ice between us all! Ha tea solves everything.
I wish you hadn't had to leave as soon as we got back to the Tube station - it was such a short afternoon, and it went by so fast! I gave you a hug - which so often feels weird, but with you it wasn't - and you were gone. It kind of felt unfair that Erica could stay and you couldn't, but I'm so glad to have met you, even if that time was cut way too short.
-Emma
Day 26 - The Last Person You Made A Pinky Promise To
Saturday, 28 August 2010
Dear Jordan,
I considered making this one anonymous, but then I kind of realised there's no point! I'm too in the mood for inside jokes, hehe.
So a few weeks ago you were reading my blog, and I was all "ahh I've never made a pinky promise," and then we made a pinky promise (over MSN...) that you would avenge the dignity that Google stole from me if I kept a secret for you. And I have kept it! And you avenged my dignity! Yay!
So I remember the first time I realise you exist. You probably wish I didn't. It was when your name got put on the boys' list for Games in the first week of first year ^_^
Seriously though, the first three years of high school I was totally convinced that you, James and Mark were incredibly weird! I couldn't understand why you only ever seemed to hang out with these two boys, I didn't get the sense of humour that you shared, and besides, you were in 8.2! They were the enemy.
And in all seriousness, the only clear memory of you I have from that time is when we were sitting in the middle of the entrance hall, and then you and James came over and told Rachel, "Ohhh, there's a rumour that you have a picture of the Wombles on your phone!" *mrf*
But then came fourth year, and you were in practically all of my classes! We sat together in Physics, too, and by that stage my own sense of humour had changed - it was pretty similar to yours! So after about a month, I no longer thought of you as someone to avoid for fear they would spread Wombly rumours about me, but as a friend. In fact, I started spending more time with your friendship group than my own, and then when Claudia did too, our fates were sealed!
We went to Jims a lot at that stage. Then one day we were walking up to the Esplanade, and you were joking to Claudia that she was going to get lost because she's a Gadgie - or something like that - and she replied, "Well, if I do get lost I can just use my Golden Compass!" and held out her hands in front of her, as if she was holding a compass. She kind of pointed at the back of the person walking a little in front of us, and you replied, "What, _____ is your Golden Compass?"
And life has never been the same since! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT HIM NEXT YEAR?!?!?!
Beep beep beep to the EAST!
Ahhhh, Physics. Mrs McSkullough will be teaching us how to make a FRUIT CLOCK today, then we shall have some of Auntie Node's marshmallows!
Why do we have so many Physics inside jokes? "On a scale of one to the tempest, how much do you not want to go to Physics today?"
MATHS. How many maths inside jokes do we have?! We should have many. It's MATHS!
"Where are your TIES?!" And hiding pencils!!! Awww I miss Add Maths. Also, GC squared - Golden Thing = HOT!
Why can't I think of more maths-related things, this is a scandal. "Why is my DESK warm?!?!?!"
Ahem. I got a bit side-tracked there. Anyway, after the Golden Compass happened, because compasses can't be made, they just happen, LIKE BABIES, there was the dumping bench! The dumping bench, when you still fancied Priesty, and then we asked you if you could be stranded on an island with just two people, who would you want to be stranded with? "Well, Priesty I suppose." "Oh, how cliché!" "And James, because like, he IS my best friend." "But... would that not be really awkward? I mean, you and Priesty could be having a moment, and then James would come round the corner and be like 'Let's go fishing!' and Priesty would just go 'OKAY!'" I don't know why, but this has become the most legendary quote of ours of EVER. EDIT: Claudia wants credit for this quote, she was the one who said it with the Famous Five accent that we never could imitate again.
So it seemed like everything between us all would be good forever, but you must always BE PREPARED for anything! Like Hitler (H-I-T-L-E-R) and Winston Churchhill going to war! In other words, PR. But this is a happy blog, I'm in a ridiculously good mood writing it, so suffice it to say that I'm sorry I took sides over that, I shouldn't have. You two are an old married mathematical loud immature couple.
Oh, that. Um. I still haven't asked. =/
Ahem. Anyway, last year! Last year was so much fun! I loved L6, you were in most of my classes again, MATHS was always such good fun, we had a competition to pass our driving tests which I won by like 3 days, you disapproved of SuJu ("I shall not join the dark side, not even for Korean maths") and the three of us ignored you, we suddenly realised that we were subliminal messaging you because you could recite like half of their names, you put aside your hatred to help me write Camp K-pop, and in return I made you end up with Charlie (yay, ukelele!!!), we continued to stalk the GC, along with Amy we became owls (seductive owl! coo coo. excited owl! coocoocoocoocoocoo! swooning owl! cooooooo...), we had a massive facebook discussion about what Hogwarts house we'd all be in, and of course... we have dirt on Matthew. He must obey us. If he does not, we can tell Mr Howard he broke the UV! (Or he can keep it secret then blame Sheepy when he's gone lol)
Of course, thoughout all this, there was kind of a split in the group. Even though that second stupid row was over a year ago, it changed things so much and they haven't really gone back to the way they used to be at all. So it was kind of me, Claudia and Kerri. But then came this summer, with our e-mails, and finally figuring out Mrs Manta Ray's mystery of what, two years?, and Claudia complaining about your driving (I'm sorry but that was SO funny!), and us spamming Claudia's facebook with the quest, and then yesterday! Which was amazing and hilarious and brilliant. There was the amusements, and then your 89p stickers off the street, and Taboo, and raiding my mum's schoolbag to see if we could find the big sheet, and Jenga/Timberrr, and then HACKING YOUR FACEBOOK.
If I don't make a list of everything we did I'll forget some of it and so will you, that wouldn't do, and here seems as good a place as any ^_^
-Your gender became male
-Your birthday became the next day so you got a pile of "Happy Birthday!"s
-You were interested in Men AND Women
-You were looking for Friendship, Dating, AND A Relationship
-Your political views became Sectarian
-Your religious views changed from Christian to Muslim (Shi'ite)
-You listed Peter Thorogood as your brother
-Your relationship status changed from "In a relationship with Peter Thorogood" to "It's complicated" (and when Jeffery commented on this, saying "ooh who wif?" we replied "my brother :s")
-Your bio went from something like this:
"1, I'm very short
2, I can't spell
3, I am a maths nerd
4, I find bad grammar irritating even though my own sucks"
to something like this:
"1, I'm very short
2, I can't speel
3, I am a hermaphrodite
4, I find bad gramers irritatings even through ma own suck
5, I just found out my boyfriend is my brother :s"
-Your Favourite Quotations changed from a Bible verse to something like:
"Mmmmm amphetamines!
Let's go fishing!
I don't THINK I've ever been injected with HIV...
I'm preggers and it's not mine."
-And you suddenly liked several pages such as "Super Junior", "Reading the Holy Quran", "Quran TV", and "Not Being Dead".
Ahhhhh, it was a fun night.
I haven't even covered half of all our amazing memories - the Magee family!!! The way EVERYONE'S typing fails when you're on MSN! Mom jeans! - but you are one of my closest friends at the moment. I hate that you can be so insecure sometimes because I know how much that makes you suffer, but you wouldn't have to put up with me if I wasn't your friend. (If you can create sense out of that then well done. You are clearly paying more attention than me! BUT NO, WE DON'T NEED A PACKET OF CRISPS OVER HERE!)
Sorry, this is not a serious letter, it rejects the seriousness :s
But seriously.
You are one of the very VERY few people I allow to stalk me. I don't let Kerri stalk me. (She probably wouldn't bother, but that's not the point.) Make of that what you will!
MAUL
THAT IS ALL
(Hitler says night night
)
-Emma
I considered making this one anonymous, but then I kind of realised there's no point! I'm too in the mood for inside jokes, hehe.
So a few weeks ago you were reading my blog, and I was all "ahh I've never made a pinky promise," and then we made a pinky promise (over MSN...) that you would avenge the dignity that Google stole from me if I kept a secret for you. And I have kept it! And you avenged my dignity! Yay!
So I remember the first time I realise you exist. You probably wish I didn't. It was when your name got put on the boys' list for Games in the first week of first year ^_^
Seriously though, the first three years of high school I was totally convinced that you, James and Mark were incredibly weird! I couldn't understand why you only ever seemed to hang out with these two boys, I didn't get the sense of humour that you shared, and besides, you were in 8.2! They were the enemy.
And in all seriousness, the only clear memory of you I have from that time is when we were sitting in the middle of the entrance hall, and then you and James came over and told Rachel, "Ohhh, there's a rumour that you have a picture of the Wombles on your phone!" *mrf*
But then came fourth year, and you were in practically all of my classes! We sat together in Physics, too, and by that stage my own sense of humour had changed - it was pretty similar to yours! So after about a month, I no longer thought of you as someone to avoid for fear they would spread Wombly rumours about me, but as a friend. In fact, I started spending more time with your friendship group than my own, and then when Claudia did too, our fates were sealed!
We went to Jims a lot at that stage. Then one day we were walking up to the Esplanade, and you were joking to Claudia that she was going to get lost because she's a Gadgie - or something like that - and she replied, "Well, if I do get lost I can just use my Golden Compass!" and held out her hands in front of her, as if she was holding a compass. She kind of pointed at the back of the person walking a little in front of us, and you replied, "What, _____ is your Golden Compass?"
And life has never been the same since! WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT HIM NEXT YEAR?!?!?!
Beep beep beep to the EAST!
Ahhhh, Physics. Mrs McSkullough will be teaching us how to make a FRUIT CLOCK today, then we shall have some of Auntie Node's marshmallows!
Why do we have so many Physics inside jokes? "On a scale of one to the tempest, how much do you not want to go to Physics today?"
MATHS. How many maths inside jokes do we have?! We should have many. It's MATHS!
"Where are your TIES?!" And hiding pencils!!! Awww I miss Add Maths. Also, GC squared - Golden Thing = HOT!
Why can't I think of more maths-related things, this is a scandal. "Why is my DESK warm?!?!?!"
Ahem. I got a bit side-tracked there. Anyway, after the Golden Compass happened, because compasses can't be made, they just happen, LIKE BABIES, there was the dumping bench! The dumping bench, when you still fancied Priesty, and then we asked you if you could be stranded on an island with just two people, who would you want to be stranded with? "Well, Priesty I suppose." "Oh, how cliché!" "And James, because like, he IS my best friend." "But... would that not be really awkward? I mean, you and Priesty could be having a moment, and then James would come round the corner and be like 'Let's go fishing!' and Priesty would just go 'OKAY!'" I don't know why, but this has become the most legendary quote of ours of EVER. EDIT: Claudia wants credit for this quote, she was the one who said it with the Famous Five accent that we never could imitate again.
So it seemed like everything between us all would be good forever, but you must always BE PREPARED for anything! Like Hitler (H-I-T-L-E-R) and Winston Churchhill going to war! In other words, PR. But this is a happy blog, I'm in a ridiculously good mood writing it, so suffice it to say that I'm sorry I took sides over that, I shouldn't have. You two are an old married mathematical loud immature couple.
Oh, that. Um. I still haven't asked. =/
Ahem. Anyway, last year! Last year was so much fun! I loved L6, you were in most of my classes again, MATHS was always such good fun, we had a competition to pass our driving tests which I won by like 3 days, you disapproved of SuJu ("I shall not join the dark side, not even for Korean maths") and the three of us ignored you, we suddenly realised that we were subliminal messaging you because you could recite like half of their names, you put aside your hatred to help me write Camp K-pop, and in return I made you end up with Charlie (yay, ukelele!!!), we continued to stalk the GC, along with Amy we became owls (seductive owl! coo coo. excited owl! coocoocoocoocoocoo! swooning owl! cooooooo...), we had a massive facebook discussion about what Hogwarts house we'd all be in, and of course... we have dirt on Matthew. He must obey us. If he does not, we can tell Mr Howard he broke the UV! (Or he can keep it secret then blame Sheepy when he's gone lol)
Of course, thoughout all this, there was kind of a split in the group. Even though that second stupid row was over a year ago, it changed things so much and they haven't really gone back to the way they used to be at all. So it was kind of me, Claudia and Kerri. But then came this summer, with our e-mails, and finally figuring out Mrs Manta Ray's mystery of what, two years?, and Claudia complaining about your driving (I'm sorry but that was SO funny!), and us spamming Claudia's facebook with the quest, and then yesterday! Which was amazing and hilarious and brilliant. There was the amusements, and then your 89p stickers off the street, and Taboo, and raiding my mum's schoolbag to see if we could find the big sheet, and Jenga/Timberrr, and then HACKING YOUR FACEBOOK.
If I don't make a list of everything we did I'll forget some of it and so will you, that wouldn't do, and here seems as good a place as any ^_^
-Your gender became male
-Your birthday became the next day so you got a pile of "Happy Birthday!"s
-You were interested in Men AND Women
-You were looking for Friendship, Dating, AND A Relationship
-Your political views became Sectarian
-Your religious views changed from Christian to Muslim (Shi'ite)
-You listed Peter Thorogood as your brother
-Your relationship status changed from "In a relationship with Peter Thorogood" to "It's complicated" (and when Jeffery commented on this, saying "ooh who wif?" we replied "my brother :s")
-Your bio went from something like this:
"1, I'm very short
2, I can't spell
3, I am a maths nerd
4, I find bad grammar irritating even though my own sucks"
to something like this:
"1, I'm very short
2, I can't speel
3, I am a hermaphrodite
4, I find bad gramers irritatings even through ma own suck
5, I just found out my boyfriend is my brother :s"
-Your Favourite Quotations changed from a Bible verse to something like:
"Mmmmm amphetamines!
Let's go fishing!
I don't THINK I've ever been injected with HIV...
I'm preggers and it's not mine."
-And you suddenly liked several pages such as "Super Junior", "Reading the Holy Quran", "Quran TV", and "Not Being Dead".
Ahhhhh, it was a fun night.
I haven't even covered half of all our amazing memories - the Magee family!!! The way EVERYONE'S typing fails when you're on MSN! Mom jeans! - but you are one of my closest friends at the moment. I hate that you can be so insecure sometimes because I know how much that makes you suffer, but you wouldn't have to put up with me if I wasn't your friend. (If you can create sense out of that then well done. You are clearly paying more attention than me! BUT NO, WE DON'T NEED A PACKET OF CRISPS OVER HERE!)
Sorry, this is not a serious letter, it rejects the seriousness :s
But seriously.
You are one of the very VERY few people I allow to stalk me. I don't let Kerri stalk me. (She probably wouldn't bother, but that's not the point.) Make of that what you will!
MAUL
THAT IS ALL
(Hitler says night night
)-Emma
Day 25 - The Person You Know That Is Going Through The Worst Of Times
Thursday, 26 August 2010
Dear Granda,
Every time I see you, I can see the pain that's reflected in your eyes. You try to hide it, but it's always there.
I wish I knew what to say. I always try to make you laugh - and I usually succeed - but your smile hasn't reached your eyes in a long time. The worst of it is that you won't LET anyone help you.
Do you really think this is what Granny would have wanted? After two years, you haven't started to heal one tiny bit, and anyone who knows you at all worries about you. You told Florence that all you want is to pass on, and be with her again. Do you have any idea what effect that kind of talk has on people? Yes, I know that you're suffering, but when you're affecting the life of everyone around you it's gone too far.
You try not to stay away from the house for too long. You rarely see anyone unless you're doing some sort of work for them, or church or if we've coaxed you to our house for dinner. AND ANOTHER THING. Bread and jam is NOT a meal!
I just don't even know. There's a difference between going through hard times and letting yourself be crushed by hard times. I just wish you would fight back, because you're turning into a shadow of the person you once were, and I hate that.
I miss Granny. But I miss you too.
-Emma
Every time I see you, I can see the pain that's reflected in your eyes. You try to hide it, but it's always there.
I wish I knew what to say. I always try to make you laugh - and I usually succeed - but your smile hasn't reached your eyes in a long time. The worst of it is that you won't LET anyone help you.
Do you really think this is what Granny would have wanted? After two years, you haven't started to heal one tiny bit, and anyone who knows you at all worries about you. You told Florence that all you want is to pass on, and be with her again. Do you have any idea what effect that kind of talk has on people? Yes, I know that you're suffering, but when you're affecting the life of everyone around you it's gone too far.
You try not to stay away from the house for too long. You rarely see anyone unless you're doing some sort of work for them, or church or if we've coaxed you to our house for dinner. AND ANOTHER THING. Bread and jam is NOT a meal!
I just don't even know. There's a difference between going through hard times and letting yourself be crushed by hard times. I just wish you would fight back, because you're turning into a shadow of the person you once were, and I hate that.
I miss Granny. But I miss you too.
-Emma
Day 24 - The Person That Gave You Your Favourite Memory
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Dear Asian Magician,
I thought of you the second I saw this prompt! Because while the entire London trip is one of my favourite memories ever, I think that you were my favourite part of that.
That night is something I'll remember for a long time. After the Lion King - which hadn't seemed as awesome as it could have been, since we were seeing it after the amazingness of WICKED - we were all kind of annoyed that Mr C was making us walk so far; there was a different tube station closer and it would have been easier to simply call a taxi! Not to mention some of us were wearing heels! Not high ones, but still!
So then, when we ended up in PICCADILLY CIRCUS of all places, where Claudia and I had gotten completely lost only a few hours beforehand (which, to be honest, had kind of ruined that afternoon), we were even more unhappy!
BUT THEN.
As we were waiting for the rest of the group to catch up, Claudia suddenly noticed you preparing to give a little mini show on the street! She immediately pointed you out to Kerri and me, because you were kinda cute ^_^
So you started the little magic show, and I'll be honest... the tricks were kinda crap. Lol. The floating table was actually quite cool though! And then, just as Mr C was about to tell us all to leave, you chose Sarah as your assistant for the evening! So we had to stay for another ten minutes or so, teehee.
AND THEN YOU BROUGHT OUT A KOREAN FLAG.
The three of us practically exploded! You said that you were from South Korea but had recently moved to London, and that you loved the city. As you were performing your last trick, the three of us - who by now had been k-pop fans for a good while - were fiercely debating whether or not we should say something to you. Claudia wasn't really sure, Kerri - normally the semi-whore one with charm! - came over all shy, but me being the language afictionado I am, I insisted on trying out our newly-learnt Korean. So when you were collecting money at the end, we approached you - luckily Mr C was trying to round all the juniors into the tube station, while they were all crowding around Sarah, and all the other sixth-years had disappeared, so I don't think anyone actually noticed us doing so, lol.
And in hindsight, the fact that "saranghae" was the first thing I said to you probably freaked you out beyond measure! Especially given how informal it was... if I could go back to that night, the only thing I'd change would be to say "saranghaeyo" or "saranghamnida" instead. But that was one of the most impulsive things I've ever done, and I know I'd have regretted it forever if I HADN'T done it!
But after looking a bit shocked that some foreign girl was randomly declaring her love for you in your native language, you took it in your stride, smiled, and said "gamsahamnida". Then Claudia and Kerri came up and both said "annyeonghaseyo", you looked so bewildered, but then Claudia just burst out "Super Junior!!" and you went "ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Lol we realised afterwards that you probably aren't a huge fan - well, you were a GUY, so just assuming - and you probably weren't that keen on hearing about them again after moving halfway across the world, but you did at least look less confused after that, lol!
We gave you a few coins, and then we really had to leave. I had never thought I'd ever get a chance to use the Korean I'd learnt, but then you appeared! You will never know how much that experience meant to me - it was such a random thing, but I'm so glad it happened! So thank you so much just for - well, for existing, I suppose!
-Emma
I thought of you the second I saw this prompt! Because while the entire London trip is one of my favourite memories ever, I think that you were my favourite part of that.
That night is something I'll remember for a long time. After the Lion King - which hadn't seemed as awesome as it could have been, since we were seeing it after the amazingness of WICKED - we were all kind of annoyed that Mr C was making us walk so far; there was a different tube station closer and it would have been easier to simply call a taxi! Not to mention some of us were wearing heels! Not high ones, but still!
So then, when we ended up in PICCADILLY CIRCUS of all places, where Claudia and I had gotten completely lost only a few hours beforehand (which, to be honest, had kind of ruined that afternoon), we were even more unhappy!
BUT THEN.
As we were waiting for the rest of the group to catch up, Claudia suddenly noticed you preparing to give a little mini show on the street! She immediately pointed you out to Kerri and me, because you were kinda cute ^_^
So you started the little magic show, and I'll be honest... the tricks were kinda crap. Lol. The floating table was actually quite cool though! And then, just as Mr C was about to tell us all to leave, you chose Sarah as your assistant for the evening! So we had to stay for another ten minutes or so, teehee.
AND THEN YOU BROUGHT OUT A KOREAN FLAG.
The three of us practically exploded! You said that you were from South Korea but had recently moved to London, and that you loved the city. As you were performing your last trick, the three of us - who by now had been k-pop fans for a good while - were fiercely debating whether or not we should say something to you. Claudia wasn't really sure, Kerri - normally the semi-whore one with charm! - came over all shy, but me being the language afictionado I am, I insisted on trying out our newly-learnt Korean. So when you were collecting money at the end, we approached you - luckily Mr C was trying to round all the juniors into the tube station, while they were all crowding around Sarah, and all the other sixth-years had disappeared, so I don't think anyone actually noticed us doing so, lol.
And in hindsight, the fact that "saranghae" was the first thing I said to you probably freaked you out beyond measure! Especially given how informal it was... if I could go back to that night, the only thing I'd change would be to say "saranghaeyo" or "saranghamnida" instead. But that was one of the most impulsive things I've ever done, and I know I'd have regretted it forever if I HADN'T done it!
But after looking a bit shocked that some foreign girl was randomly declaring her love for you in your native language, you took it in your stride, smiled, and said "gamsahamnida". Then Claudia and Kerri came up and both said "annyeonghaseyo", you looked so bewildered, but then Claudia just burst out "Super Junior!!" and you went "ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Lol we realised afterwards that you probably aren't a huge fan - well, you were a GUY, so just assuming - and you probably weren't that keen on hearing about them again after moving halfway across the world, but you did at least look less confused after that, lol!
We gave you a few coins, and then we really had to leave. I had never thought I'd ever get a chance to use the Korean I'd learnt, but then you appeared! You will never know how much that experience meant to me - it was such a random thing, but I'm so glad it happened! So thank you so much just for - well, for existing, I suppose!
-Emma
Day 23 - The Last Person You Kissed
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Dear...
...
Well.
Um.
This is awkward.
It would be much easier if I was Kerri. Then you would DEFINITELY exist.
But alas, you do not. Candlemage, what a waste of a letter!
-Emma
Written because that accounts for all the missed days now yay! Hehe this was a fun one ^_^
...
Well.
Um.
This is awkward.
It would be much easier if I was Kerri. Then you would DEFINITELY exist.
But alas, you do not. Candlemage, what a waste of a letter!
-Emma
Written because that accounts for all the missed days now yay! Hehe this was a fun one ^_^
Day 22 - Someone You Want To Give A Second Chance To
Another one today because I skipped two days by mistake...
Dear Aliwook,
I remember the first time I met you very clearly. It was the first day of L6, you were new and shy, and I was really, REALLY ridiculously hyper. I think I scared you a little bit...
But I quite liked you, based on first impressions. And you were in French, that was nice.
But as the year went on, it felt like you really didn't like me. I don't know - I tried to make an effort at first, but as time went on I just gave up. No one else seemed to have really made friends with you either - to be honest you seemed very bitter.
And then one day, Claudia told me that you'd been saying I was really - what was it, bigheaded? Or else stuck-up. Something bad, let's leave it at that - on the bus, and she'd told you to quit mouthin'. After that, you suddenly became a lot nicer - fear of Claudia, perhaps? Lol. Anyway, I felt really bad so I made an effort too, and I think we sort of became friends? ish?
At any rate, I still think you were a bit unfriendly to most people last year, but I really want to put that behind - for one thing, we'll be the only ones in French this year! But as well as that, I don't think you're a bad sort, we can get on quite well really. So this year, let's make things different, kay?
-Emma
PS - You really, REALLY look like Ryeowook. Claudia even created proof!!! Therefore, you have become Aliwook. This distinguishes you from Alison Foster, you see ^_^
Dear Aliwook,
I remember the first time I met you very clearly. It was the first day of L6, you were new and shy, and I was really, REALLY ridiculously hyper. I think I scared you a little bit...
But I quite liked you, based on first impressions. And you were in French, that was nice.
But as the year went on, it felt like you really didn't like me. I don't know - I tried to make an effort at first, but as time went on I just gave up. No one else seemed to have really made friends with you either - to be honest you seemed very bitter.
And then one day, Claudia told me that you'd been saying I was really - what was it, bigheaded? Or else stuck-up. Something bad, let's leave it at that - on the bus, and she'd told you to quit mouthin'. After that, you suddenly became a lot nicer - fear of Claudia, perhaps? Lol. Anyway, I felt really bad so I made an effort too, and I think we sort of became friends? ish?
At any rate, I still think you were a bit unfriendly to most people last year, but I really want to put that behind - for one thing, we'll be the only ones in French this year! But as well as that, I don't think you're a bad sort, we can get on quite well really. So this year, let's make things different, kay?
-Emma
PS - You really, REALLY look like Ryeowook. Claudia even created proof!!! Therefore, you have become Aliwook. This distinguishes you from Alison Foster, you see ^_^
Day 21 - Someone You Judged By Their First Impression
Dear Someone,
Hi. I definitely judged you on your first impression, and judged wrongly. The sad thing is that so many people do.
I thought you were great fun, that you were really in touch with what teenagers needed, that you knew what you were doing.
Like I said, I was wrong.
Soon, you disappeared for a little while. I remember wondering if things would be the same, and sure enough, they didn't seem as fun. But they were better-organised, and we learned more.
You came back, a bit late, and everything was fun again... and then I started noticing all your flaws, and by now it's got to the stage where I don't know how I could have missed them. Your ideas are usually ridiculous, but you make them work through sheer stubbornness, whether they're effective or not. You never listen to ANYONE else, you always think you know best. You can be so interfering, so patronising, so off-putting, such a hypocrite...
And the worst part is that you have all your loyal supporters who hang on your every word.
But it's people like you - the ones who are walking, talking propaganda; the ultimate stereotype, really - that disillusion me. Sometimes, I want to get more involved and change things for the better. But 99% percent of the time, I'm just past caring. I'm sick of it all, and I know that there's nothing I can do to change things anyway. At least not here, where the roots are just too deep.
If you won't even listen to my mother, why on earth would you ever listen to me?
Of course, you did try and get me involved. I wonder why that was - other people running away because they eventually saw through you, hmm? At any rate, I was surprised to be asked, I thought you'd probably avoid me like the plague. But I said I'd think about it... and avoided you ever since. Polite refusal, see? Because there's no way that I could accept. Working with you like that... I'd lose my temper after about two weeks. And that would be bad. Because that would set a precedent, and I'd probably end up arguing with you all the time. And a) that's not a situation I want to get into, and b) I really can't be bothered. Especially with how much work I'll have anyway!
To sum up: like I said, I judged you wrongly. I thought you were a great role model.
Now I realise that's just what you want to be. And what you're trying so hard to be. But in all the wrong ways. And if you're not careful, your current attitude is going to ruin a whole lot of lives. If it hasn't ruined them already.
-Emma
Hi. I definitely judged you on your first impression, and judged wrongly. The sad thing is that so many people do.
I thought you were great fun, that you were really in touch with what teenagers needed, that you knew what you were doing.
Like I said, I was wrong.
Soon, you disappeared for a little while. I remember wondering if things would be the same, and sure enough, they didn't seem as fun. But they were better-organised, and we learned more.
You came back, a bit late, and everything was fun again... and then I started noticing all your flaws, and by now it's got to the stage where I don't know how I could have missed them. Your ideas are usually ridiculous, but you make them work through sheer stubbornness, whether they're effective or not. You never listen to ANYONE else, you always think you know best. You can be so interfering, so patronising, so off-putting, such a hypocrite...
And the worst part is that you have all your loyal supporters who hang on your every word.
But it's people like you - the ones who are walking, talking propaganda; the ultimate stereotype, really - that disillusion me. Sometimes, I want to get more involved and change things for the better. But 99% percent of the time, I'm just past caring. I'm sick of it all, and I know that there's nothing I can do to change things anyway. At least not here, where the roots are just too deep.
If you won't even listen to my mother, why on earth would you ever listen to me?
Of course, you did try and get me involved. I wonder why that was - other people running away because they eventually saw through you, hmm? At any rate, I was surprised to be asked, I thought you'd probably avoid me like the plague. But I said I'd think about it... and avoided you ever since. Polite refusal, see? Because there's no way that I could accept. Working with you like that... I'd lose my temper after about two weeks. And that would be bad. Because that would set a precedent, and I'd probably end up arguing with you all the time. And a) that's not a situation I want to get into, and b) I really can't be bothered. Especially with how much work I'll have anyway!
To sum up: like I said, I judged you wrongly. I thought you were a great role model.
Now I realise that's just what you want to be. And what you're trying so hard to be. But in all the wrong ways. And if you're not careful, your current attitude is going to ruin a whole lot of lives. If it hasn't ruined them already.
-Emma
Holiday + Results
Saturday, 21 August 2010
I never actually write in this. I feel that I should.
Bournemouth was amazing! So much better than I was expecting! Paulton's Park was great fun - the weather that day just MADE it, it was more like a French climate really - and the paint-a-pot at Poole was awesome! I felt really artistic, hehehe. The highlight was definitely the air festival, though - all those jets, the mock parachute jump, the army assault course, the marine beach landing, it was all INCREDIBLE, definitely one of the best days of the summer! It's a shame we couldn't have stayed just a half hour longer without missing the flight - it would be SO cool to be able to say we'd seen the Red Arrows twice in one month ;D
While we were there, the results came out! 4 As, yay! I wasn't totally sure what I'd got in English, so that was good. I don't know what place I came in Physics though, arghhh. If I came 1st or 2nd I want to keep it on. Actually, from the results breakdown that we got in the post, Dad worked it out that I got my best mark in it - AND WORST IN ENGLISH, SURPRISE SURPRISE - so I REALLY don't want to drop it. In fact, I would love to just drop English and be done with it, but I can't because of uni, not to mention Miss Taylor would skin me alive. Bah humbug.
On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to Midsummer Night's Dream!
...Why am I such a nerd?
Bournemouth was amazing! So much better than I was expecting! Paulton's Park was great fun - the weather that day just MADE it, it was more like a French climate really - and the paint-a-pot at Poole was awesome! I felt really artistic, hehehe. The highlight was definitely the air festival, though - all those jets, the mock parachute jump, the army assault course, the marine beach landing, it was all INCREDIBLE, definitely one of the best days of the summer! It's a shame we couldn't have stayed just a half hour longer without missing the flight - it would be SO cool to be able to say we'd seen the Red Arrows twice in one month ;D
While we were there, the results came out! 4 As, yay! I wasn't totally sure what I'd got in English, so that was good. I don't know what place I came in Physics though, arghhh. If I came 1st or 2nd I want to keep it on. Actually, from the results breakdown that we got in the post, Dad worked it out that I got my best mark in it - AND WORST IN ENGLISH, SURPRISE SURPRISE - so I REALLY don't want to drop it. In fact, I would love to just drop English and be done with it, but I can't because of uni, not to mention Miss Taylor would skin me alive. Bah humbug.
On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to Midsummer Night's Dream!
...Why am I such a nerd?
Day 20 - The One That Broke Your Heart The Hardest
Dear Monstrosity,
I haven't met you yet. Or else I have met you but you haven't done it yet. Either way, I'm already rather impressed, if you're going to manage to break my heart when it's so hard, that's no mean feat.
But still. I will kill you in your sleep.
-Emma
I haven't met you yet. Or else I have met you but you haven't done it yet. Either way, I'm already rather impressed, if you're going to manage to break my heart when it's so hard, that's no mean feat.
But still. I will kill you in your sleep.
-Emma
Day 19 - Someone That Pesters Your Mind (Good Or Bad)
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Dear Mercy,
I've known about you for several months now - oh, ok, just May... it feels like longer, lol. The very very first time I even vaguely realised you exist it was something along the lines of "WHAT?! 0_0 Another one? I disapprove of this. I disapprove a LOT. So now there are TWO needing finished before the next Song? ARGH" Of course, that was my very VERY first reaction, about two minutes later it changed to "ajsdasjlf I DON'T EVEN CARE THIS IS EPIC!" Then soon after that there was the next little part - and that's when I realised properly that you exist, and I was quite amazed at my willpower that I didn't run straight to wikipedia right then! Lol.
So that was all well and good. I did keep an eye out for you after that, but I didn't really care that much anyway.
So there I was on holiday, checking twitter by stolen wifi at the pool, and there was the snippet of 10... and I almost exploded!
Of course, 10 practically caused a mental breakdown all round. But it was so worth it! It was amazing. Especially given I had been waiting for it since the start, for two reasons at that!!! Ok, so I had already figured out near the start that they were the same, BUT STILL! That just made it doubly amazing ^_^ But then, the certain someone who alerted me to your existance in the first place made a comment about it that made me think "What? How can anyone be upset about THIS?! ... Screw it, to wikipedia!!!"
Sometime soon after that, I decided I HAD to find you. I'm blaming this on 10.
So I went looking. And I failed miserably! It definitely didn't help that the following car journey was... painful.
Soon afterwards, I decided screw it, and preempted Belfast. I wasn't really expecting it to WORK, anyway!
And then the past week... I was not expecting that at all. My love for kpop all but vanished!!! Well, the same certain someone fixed THAT, lol. Collabs are fun and oh so VERY cracky XD
But ignoring that, I mean, last time, it took about 4 months for it to vanish altogether, longer the time before. Because of you, the vanishing has occurred within A WEEK. That's crazy!!! And now, I can't stop pondering all the little details, which I suppose is perfectly normal, but wow. I am in awe of - idek, the entire setup? I hadn't actually realised how much FFF stole from it, but that doesn't detract at ALL from the awesomeness. And then because of you I understand FFF so much better as well! Of course, in both cases my bias is the same. Which practically brings us back to 10, of course. Kekeke XD
So yes, the best example of you pestering my mind, of course, happened in Poundworld. Mum and I were at the till, the woman at the till passed me the bag as mum was paying, I thanked her... and then, I think my thought process went along the lines of "OH NO WHAT DID I JUST DO - wait, no..." and then I had the biggest fit of mental LAWLS I've had in a while. Because that is just HILARIOUS! Luckily mum didn't notice!
Oh, and of course, I had to look it up! But there is NOTHING. This distresses me greatly =(
But anyway, thank you so much - I know YOU won't hold it against me, lol - just for being epic ^_^
-Emma
PS: I'm rooting for the Mystery Machine. Odd, I don't usually go for the rare ones! XD
Note: On holiday again from tomorrow, so most likely there won't be any more for a week. Also, this one was probably one of the most fun to write of all, teeheehee!
I've known about you for several months now - oh, ok, just May... it feels like longer, lol. The very very first time I even vaguely realised you exist it was something along the lines of "WHAT?! 0_0 Another one? I disapprove of this. I disapprove a LOT. So now there are TWO needing finished before the next Song? ARGH" Of course, that was my very VERY first reaction, about two minutes later it changed to "ajsdasjlf I DON'T EVEN CARE THIS IS EPIC!" Then soon after that there was the next little part - and that's when I realised properly that you exist, and I was quite amazed at my willpower that I didn't run straight to wikipedia right then! Lol.
So that was all well and good. I did keep an eye out for you after that, but I didn't really care that much anyway.
So there I was on holiday, checking twitter by stolen wifi at the pool, and there was the snippet of 10... and I almost exploded!
Of course, 10 practically caused a mental breakdown all round. But it was so worth it! It was amazing. Especially given I had been waiting for it since the start, for two reasons at that!!! Ok, so I had already figured out near the start that they were the same, BUT STILL! That just made it doubly amazing ^_^ But then, the certain someone who alerted me to your existance in the first place made a comment about it that made me think "What? How can anyone be upset about THIS?! ... Screw it, to wikipedia!!!"
Sometime soon after that, I decided I HAD to find you. I'm blaming this on 10.
So I went looking. And I failed miserably! It definitely didn't help that the following car journey was... painful.
Soon afterwards, I decided screw it, and preempted Belfast. I wasn't really expecting it to WORK, anyway!
And then the past week... I was not expecting that at all. My love for kpop all but vanished!!! Well, the same certain someone fixed THAT, lol. Collabs are fun and oh so VERY cracky XD
But ignoring that, I mean, last time, it took about 4 months for it to vanish altogether, longer the time before. Because of you, the vanishing has occurred within A WEEK. That's crazy!!! And now, I can't stop pondering all the little details, which I suppose is perfectly normal, but wow. I am in awe of - idek, the entire setup? I hadn't actually realised how much FFF stole from it, but that doesn't detract at ALL from the awesomeness. And then because of you I understand FFF so much better as well! Of course, in both cases my bias is the same. Which practically brings us back to 10, of course. Kekeke XD
So yes, the best example of you pestering my mind, of course, happened in Poundworld. Mum and I were at the till, the woman at the till passed me the bag as mum was paying, I thanked her... and then, I think my thought process went along the lines of "OH NO WHAT DID I JUST DO - wait, no..." and then I had the biggest fit of mental LAWLS I've had in a while. Because that is just HILARIOUS! Luckily mum didn't notice!
Oh, and of course, I had to look it up! But there is NOTHING. This distresses me greatly =(
But anyway, thank you so much - I know YOU won't hold it against me, lol - just for being epic ^_^
-Emma
PS: I'm rooting for the Mystery Machine. Odd, I don't usually go for the rare ones! XD
Note: On holiday again from tomorrow, so most likely there won't be any more for a week. Also, this one was probably one of the most fun to write of all, teeheehee!
Day 18 - The Person That You Wish You Could Be
Dear Me,
You are not me. I wish you were me, but you are not me.
Superficially, you're no different. Well... ok, your nose is a little bit smaller and you're a few inches taller, but I don't really care about that.
Family and close friends are the same, of course, I'm happy with all of that.
But inside. You care about others whereas I'm selfish. You have no aversion to exercise. You are a better driver. You're not so ridiculously awkward in social situations that you constantly have to resort to sarcasm as a defence mechanism when you're with people you don't know. You actually have some common sense. You actually care about the issues that matter in this world, instead of being so apathetic about them. You are very active in the church and not constantly plagued by doubts. You aren't bitter. The words you typically use to speak to other people are no different from the ones you typically use inside your head. You don't procrastinate. You do what's asked of you willingly and go the extra mile too. You love people - not just the ones you like, but the ones you don't like. You actually ARE as innocent as you seem. You have no trouble keeping the secrets of others, but you don't have any of your own. Well, maybe a few - secrets can be fun - but nothing important. Instead of slacking at your schoolwork and constantly assuming that natural intelligence will make up for it - which I KNOW is going to backfire on me dreadfully some day - you do the work you're supposed to, to the best of your ability. You are a bit more fluent in French. You don't feel the need to use fiction comme moyen d'évasion - at least, not as often. You know where to draw the line. You don't have quite such a sweet tooth. You are capable of enjoying quality films with absolutely no violence - okay, no, that's too much a part of me to want to change it ^_^
I could go on and on, but really, what am I doing? Just pointing out all my own flaws. I suppose, if I really were you, I'd be ridiculously perfect and boring, which I wouldn't appreciate. However, the most important difference between us - I can see all my flaws. You would be able to see them too, if you were real. But the difference between us is that you'd actually DO SOMETHING to fix them.
(Apart from the nose - no plastic surgery!)
-Emma
You are not me. I wish you were me, but you are not me.
Superficially, you're no different. Well... ok, your nose is a little bit smaller and you're a few inches taller, but I don't really care about that.
Family and close friends are the same, of course, I'm happy with all of that.
But inside. You care about others whereas I'm selfish. You have no aversion to exercise. You are a better driver. You're not so ridiculously awkward in social situations that you constantly have to resort to sarcasm as a defence mechanism when you're with people you don't know. You actually have some common sense. You actually care about the issues that matter in this world, instead of being so apathetic about them. You are very active in the church and not constantly plagued by doubts. You aren't bitter. The words you typically use to speak to other people are no different from the ones you typically use inside your head. You don't procrastinate. You do what's asked of you willingly and go the extra mile too. You love people - not just the ones you like, but the ones you don't like. You actually ARE as innocent as you seem. You have no trouble keeping the secrets of others, but you don't have any of your own. Well, maybe a few - secrets can be fun - but nothing important. Instead of slacking at your schoolwork and constantly assuming that natural intelligence will make up for it - which I KNOW is going to backfire on me dreadfully some day - you do the work you're supposed to, to the best of your ability. You are a bit more fluent in French. You don't feel the need to use fiction comme moyen d'évasion - at least, not as often. You know where to draw the line. You don't have quite such a sweet tooth. You are capable of enjoying quality films with absolutely no violence - okay, no, that's too much a part of me to want to change it ^_^
I could go on and on, but really, what am I doing? Just pointing out all my own flaws. I suppose, if I really were you, I'd be ridiculously perfect and boring, which I wouldn't appreciate. However, the most important difference between us - I can see all my flaws. You would be able to see them too, if you were real. But the difference between us is that you'd actually DO SOMETHING to fix them.
(Apart from the nose - no plastic surgery!)
-Emma
Day 17 - Someone From Your Childhood
Dear Someone,
You were one of the only people who was a constant presence in my childhood that wasn't tied to me by blood, and to be honest I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had that companionship! You were my best friend for so long, even if I was never yours.
I have a lot of memories with you, however it was clear years ago that we'll never be making any more memories together - we're just too different. Sometimes, I'll admit that you really annoy me, but your brightness and exuberance make you who you are, even if sometimes you go way overboard.
Your prejudices anger me though. In that respect, you DO need to grow up.
But ignore that. Because after all, I forfeited the right to tell you what to do a long time ago. And things are better this way - sometimes, it's better to let a friendship die, and I don't think there was ever any chance of ours surviving. You're a part of my past, that'll never change, but from now on, I'm pretty sure that's all you'll ever be to me. And I'm ok with that.
-Emma
You were one of the only people who was a constant presence in my childhood that wasn't tied to me by blood, and to be honest I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't had that companionship! You were my best friend for so long, even if I was never yours.
I have a lot of memories with you, however it was clear years ago that we'll never be making any more memories together - we're just too different. Sometimes, I'll admit that you really annoy me, but your brightness and exuberance make you who you are, even if sometimes you go way overboard.
Your prejudices anger me though. In that respect, you DO need to grow up.
But ignore that. Because after all, I forfeited the right to tell you what to do a long time ago. And things are better this way - sometimes, it's better to let a friendship die, and I don't think there was ever any chance of ours surviving. You're a part of my past, that'll never change, but from now on, I'm pretty sure that's all you'll ever be to me. And I'm ok with that.
-Emma
Day 16 - Someone That's Not In Your State/Country
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Dear Erica,
How are you? I feel really guilty that I haven't spoken to you in so long - I'll have to leave you a message on Facebook soon. I was going to earlier but I think you're on holiday?
Anyway, you are one of the friendliest people I've ever met! Even though we barely knew each other - and from what we did know we didn't have that much in common - we just clicked instantly! Maybe it was the fact that we were the only English-speaking teenagers in the ski group, except Johanna, who was so much younger. But the why doesn't matter - we just did.
I honestly think my memories from that time are some of the best holiday memories of my entire life. Ahh, Michi! You had SUCH a crush on him, lol! I still can't believe he was only a year older than us, though - he really did look like he was in his twenties! And not a bad-looking twenty-something guy either ;D
Not my type, though. Though - and I say this only because I'm fairly sure you'll never read it - I think he kind of preferred me over you? Because I didn't flirt with him as much? Because I remember that time Johanna and I were insisting that the two of us go on the drag lift together (fail matchmaking - it was so the two of you were on the other one together XD), he kept saying that I had to go with him, lol.
I actually wrote down all of our inside jokes when I came home, so that I wouldn't forget any of them. Do you remember that time we were sitting at lunch, and then we got a glimpse of one of Michi's hats over the crowd, and we sort of went "Ohhhhhh!!!!" at the same time and freaked my dad out - then after lunch we started singing Hot Stuff in the furnicular! Of course, Michi didn't know that it had been playing over the radio at lunch and we'd been discussing how it totally applied to him - and we got some weird looks XD
Of course, nowhere NEAR as weird as the looks you got that first time you decided to shout "ICH BIN SCHWANGER!" when we were waiting in the queue for it! I swear, best quote EVER. Except maybe "Let's go fishing", but that's irrelevant. And then Michi got so freaked out when we got pregnant again every time we fell over, so soon between us we had 12 little Michis... how did that whole thing even start?!?! I think we were trying to find a flaw with his English, so we told him to say "I am pregnant", but then he just kinda looked at us... hehehehe then we made him teach us it in German, yeah that was it!!
Oh and then of course there was Enrico... and his poles... but then he didn't get any gummy bears! I... love gummy bears!
(You know what I mean ;D)
And then we actually met up in London!!! I have to say, I wasn't really expecting we'd be able to manage it, but we did! And it was amazing! I still can't believe we all got on so well - ok not at the start, it was sooooo awkward, but yay Starbucks! I don't think I'll ever be able to erase "cotching" from my vocabulary though, that's just LEGENDARY!
And I think it's so cool that we were able to talk seriously about stuff after that as well! I mean, I have NEVER been able to talk seriously about culture differences before, not with someone my own age who has actually had such a hugely different life experience. I mean, the whole thing about clubbing, and teenage pregnancy, and even your school, wow. It was just serious food for thought. And on a totally different note, sledging with Jude Law!! And you met William Moseley! Argh. So jealous!!!
It was way too short an afternoon, but I'm so glad we had that chance to meet up again! I'd love to do it all again, but now I'm scared that our friendship's going to fade and die away. I don't want that to happen - you were the one friend I ever made on holiday that I actually stayed in touch with, the one person that I know irl who's completely DIFFERENT (I mean that in a good way, btw) from everyone else I know, and you've given me so many amazing memories. I don't want to lose you, but I'm scared.
Because I almost think I already have.
-Emma
How are you? I feel really guilty that I haven't spoken to you in so long - I'll have to leave you a message on Facebook soon. I was going to earlier but I think you're on holiday?
Anyway, you are one of the friendliest people I've ever met! Even though we barely knew each other - and from what we did know we didn't have that much in common - we just clicked instantly! Maybe it was the fact that we were the only English-speaking teenagers in the ski group, except Johanna, who was so much younger. But the why doesn't matter - we just did.
I honestly think my memories from that time are some of the best holiday memories of my entire life. Ahh, Michi! You had SUCH a crush on him, lol! I still can't believe he was only a year older than us, though - he really did look like he was in his twenties! And not a bad-looking twenty-something guy either ;D
Not my type, though. Though - and I say this only because I'm fairly sure you'll never read it - I think he kind of preferred me over you? Because I didn't flirt with him as much? Because I remember that time Johanna and I were insisting that the two of us go on the drag lift together (fail matchmaking - it was so the two of you were on the other one together XD), he kept saying that I had to go with him, lol.
I actually wrote down all of our inside jokes when I came home, so that I wouldn't forget any of them. Do you remember that time we were sitting at lunch, and then we got a glimpse of one of Michi's hats over the crowd, and we sort of went "Ohhhhhh!!!!" at the same time and freaked my dad out - then after lunch we started singing Hot Stuff in the furnicular! Of course, Michi didn't know that it had been playing over the radio at lunch and we'd been discussing how it totally applied to him - and we got some weird looks XD
Of course, nowhere NEAR as weird as the looks you got that first time you decided to shout "ICH BIN SCHWANGER!" when we were waiting in the queue for it! I swear, best quote EVER. Except maybe "Let's go fishing", but that's irrelevant. And then Michi got so freaked out when we got pregnant again every time we fell over, so soon between us we had 12 little Michis... how did that whole thing even start?!?! I think we were trying to find a flaw with his English, so we told him to say "I am pregnant", but then he just kinda looked at us... hehehehe then we made him teach us it in German, yeah that was it!!
Oh and then of course there was Enrico... and his poles... but then he didn't get any gummy bears! I... love gummy bears!
(You know what I mean ;D)
And then we actually met up in London!!! I have to say, I wasn't really expecting we'd be able to manage it, but we did! And it was amazing! I still can't believe we all got on so well - ok not at the start, it was sooooo awkward, but yay Starbucks! I don't think I'll ever be able to erase "cotching" from my vocabulary though, that's just LEGENDARY!
And I think it's so cool that we were able to talk seriously about stuff after that as well! I mean, I have NEVER been able to talk seriously about culture differences before, not with someone my own age who has actually had such a hugely different life experience. I mean, the whole thing about clubbing, and teenage pregnancy, and even your school, wow. It was just serious food for thought. And on a totally different note, sledging with Jude Law!! And you met William Moseley! Argh. So jealous!!!
It was way too short an afternoon, but I'm so glad we had that chance to meet up again! I'd love to do it all again, but now I'm scared that our friendship's going to fade and die away. I don't want that to happen - you were the one friend I ever made on holiday that I actually stayed in touch with, the one person that I know irl who's completely DIFFERENT (I mean that in a good way, btw) from everyone else I know, and you've given me so many amazing memories. I don't want to lose you, but I'm scared.
Because I almost think I already have.
-Emma
Day 15 - The Person You Miss The Most
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Dear Person,
I miss you so much. It's KILLING me inside. I act like I prefer it this way, but who am I kidding? I don't know how much longer I can pretend you still exist. You've gone. And don't think that just because you've fooled pretty much everyone else into thinking you're still there that you can fool me. I KNOW. I know that you've gone, and I just wish I knew whether or not you're ever going to come back.
Back when I knew you, the world was simpler. Black and white. We used to love playing, we knew that parents, teachers, basically everyone in authority were always right. We believed everything we were told. We knew right from wrong and that was that.
When did everything change? Why did you leave me?
Of course, I still catch a glimpse of you every now and again. In some ways, you haven't changed. In some ways, I think you'll always be five years old at heart, and I love you for that in a way.
But for most of the time, you abandon me. Spoken, written, opinion - everything. You don't care about any of that. That's the problem. You're just too immature to deal with all the changes that have happened in - I don't even know, I'd say the past year but it's been longer than that. But no, your immaturity means that you'd be of no help to me even if you DID deign to show up for longer than what, half an hour a time at most?
Or at least I can keep telling myself that.
But then again, maturity's the problem, isn't it?
On the other hand, though, your temper is quite a bit better than mine. And your sense of humour - I think. So fair enough, you have your good points - even if you have some ridiculously stupid moments. Seriously, do you have ANY common sense? Lol, actually some of the scrapes you've been in are my favourite memories. So it's not an entirely bad thing. Oh, and I almost forgot - you're an even bigger geek than me!!! But yeah, when you're not bouncing around life often seems a lot less... eventful. Or amusing. Or something.
Even if you're spoilt, ungrateful and ridiculously big-headed.
Whatever. I miss you.
-Emma
Yes, I am aware this appears to make no sense. It does to me.
I miss you so much. It's KILLING me inside. I act like I prefer it this way, but who am I kidding? I don't know how much longer I can pretend you still exist. You've gone. And don't think that just because you've fooled pretty much everyone else into thinking you're still there that you can fool me. I KNOW. I know that you've gone, and I just wish I knew whether or not you're ever going to come back.
Back when I knew you, the world was simpler. Black and white. We used to love playing, we knew that parents, teachers, basically everyone in authority were always right. We believed everything we were told. We knew right from wrong and that was that.
When did everything change? Why did you leave me?
Of course, I still catch a glimpse of you every now and again. In some ways, you haven't changed. In some ways, I think you'll always be five years old at heart, and I love you for that in a way.
But for most of the time, you abandon me. Spoken, written, opinion - everything. You don't care about any of that. That's the problem. You're just too immature to deal with all the changes that have happened in - I don't even know, I'd say the past year but it's been longer than that. But no, your immaturity means that you'd be of no help to me even if you DID deign to show up for longer than what, half an hour a time at most?
Or at least I can keep telling myself that.
But then again, maturity's the problem, isn't it?
On the other hand, though, your temper is quite a bit better than mine. And your sense of humour - I think. So fair enough, you have your good points - even if you have some ridiculously stupid moments. Seriously, do you have ANY common sense? Lol, actually some of the scrapes you've been in are my favourite memories. So it's not an entirely bad thing. Oh, and I almost forgot - you're an even bigger geek than me!!! But yeah, when you're not bouncing around life often seems a lot less... eventful. Or amusing. Or something.
Even if you're spoilt, ungrateful and ridiculously big-headed.
Whatever. I miss you.
-Emma
Yes, I am aware this appears to make no sense. It does to me.
Day 14 - Someone You've Drifted Away From
Monday, 9 August 2010
Dear human,
Ignore the strange greeting. I got sick of 'Dear you'. And - this sounds worse than it is, but it's the truth - you've always been the one I picked on most.
Sorry about that - I do feel bad, but you make it ridiculously easy.
But that's not the point of this letter, is it?
So, we used to be the best of friends - I'd go so far as to say you were my best friend for about two years all told. As in, there was a period of four or five years where you were one of the people that I called my closest friends, and during that time my best friend switched between two of those people. You were one of those two; therefore, you were my best friend for about two years in total.
Do you remember that time a few years ago at your house? I don't even know exactly when it was. But we talked about how, in a few years, we'd all go on holiday together.
And now it hurts. Even though I know full well I don't have the right to feel that way.
Because it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, we'd still be friends.
Not that we're enemies - in fact, the very idea of you having enemies seems ridiculous, because you're so sweet! But no one can really deny that we're barely friends any more. We never speak. Not because we bear each other any ill will, but because there is NOTHING to say.
We used to be different in a way that was still compatible. You had this undefinable normalness about you, and I was, then, trying so hard to be normal. And it worked - we got on so well, and somehow, we found things to talk about.
You've become more normal, and I've given up all pretence. I found other friends that share the same personality traits as me, who I can talk to so easily. As I drifted away - taking one of your other closest friends with me - you found other friends that you had more in common with than we ever did - even if we never realised how different we were at the time.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I felt so guilty for leaving you for ages, but recently I've come to see that it was for the better for both of us. I used to miss you so much, but now I'm starting to realise that we're probably better off just as aquaintances. Because it's so much less awkward.
And let's be honest. We don't really need each other any more, do we?
-Emma
Ignore the strange greeting. I got sick of 'Dear you'. And - this sounds worse than it is, but it's the truth - you've always been the one I picked on most.
Sorry about that - I do feel bad, but you make it ridiculously easy.
But that's not the point of this letter, is it?
So, we used to be the best of friends - I'd go so far as to say you were my best friend for about two years all told. As in, there was a period of four or five years where you were one of the people that I called my closest friends, and during that time my best friend switched between two of those people. You were one of those two; therefore, you were my best friend for about two years in total.
Do you remember that time a few years ago at your house? I don't even know exactly when it was. But we talked about how, in a few years, we'd all go on holiday together.
And now it hurts. Even though I know full well I don't have the right to feel that way.
Because it's all my fault. If it wasn't for me, we'd still be friends.
Not that we're enemies - in fact, the very idea of you having enemies seems ridiculous, because you're so sweet! But no one can really deny that we're barely friends any more. We never speak. Not because we bear each other any ill will, but because there is NOTHING to say.
We used to be different in a way that was still compatible. You had this undefinable normalness about you, and I was, then, trying so hard to be normal. And it worked - we got on so well, and somehow, we found things to talk about.
You've become more normal, and I've given up all pretence. I found other friends that share the same personality traits as me, who I can talk to so easily. As I drifted away - taking one of your other closest friends with me - you found other friends that you had more in common with than we ever did - even if we never realised how different we were at the time.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I felt so guilty for leaving you for ages, but recently I've come to see that it was for the better for both of us. I used to miss you so much, but now I'm starting to realise that we're probably better off just as aquaintances. Because it's so much less awkward.
And let's be honest. We don't really need each other any more, do we?
-Emma
Break
Thursday, 5 August 2010
Greetings! I'll be taking a break from the letters, just for a couple of days - back soon!
But here's an addendum to letter 6:
PS - I finally figured out what makes me angriest about this whole fiasco. When I was little, no one told me what was going on, probably because they thought I was too young to understand. Now I'm older, they talk about it freely around me on occasion, expecting me to understand exactly what they're talking about, even though I don't have a clue because NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME.
Maybe they were expecting me to ask. But when it seemed like such a taboo subject, I was too scared when I was little.
And maybe I'm just being stubborn. But now? I just don't want to know.
But here's an addendum to letter 6:
PS - I finally figured out what makes me angriest about this whole fiasco. When I was little, no one told me what was going on, probably because they thought I was too young to understand. Now I'm older, they talk about it freely around me on occasion, expecting me to understand exactly what they're talking about, even though I don't have a clue because NO ONE HAS EVER TOLD ME.
Maybe they were expecting me to ask. But when it seemed like such a taboo subject, I was too scared when I was little.
And maybe I'm just being stubborn. But now? I just don't want to know.
Day 13 - Someone You Wish Could Forgive You
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Dear you,
Have you forgiven me? Forgiven us? To be honest I don't have a clue.
For what it's worth, though, I forgave you a long time ago.
Maybe I'm just being an idiot, thinking that it was ever possible for things to go back to the way they were. But I miss those times when everything was easy. And I wonder if you miss them too.
I don't know whose fault it was - does it even matter? All that matters is that I can still feel the repercussions, and I hate it.
I miss you. Maybe you don't miss me. But if you do, then why are we letting things stay like this?
If you don't, I have nothing more to say.
-Emma
Have you forgiven me? Forgiven us? To be honest I don't have a clue.
For what it's worth, though, I forgave you a long time ago.
Maybe I'm just being an idiot, thinking that it was ever possible for things to go back to the way they were. But I miss those times when everything was easy. And I wonder if you miss them too.
I don't know whose fault it was - does it even matter? All that matters is that I can still feel the repercussions, and I hate it.
I miss you. Maybe you don't miss me. But if you do, then why are we letting things stay like this?
If you don't, I have nothing more to say.
-Emma
Day 12 - The Person You Hate Most/Caused You A Lot Of Pain
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
Dear Gary Spence,
Did you know that when I was seven I broke my arm? It was all my own fault and very painful, so on first glance I should probably be writing this to myself.
But then you had the gall to THROW A WELLY BOOT IN MY FACE.
And it hurt more!!! ;_;
I don't hate you, but you've caused me a LOT of pain. Grr.
-Emma
In case anyone reading this misunderstands, I was giggling while writing this. Kindly do not take it seriously.
Did you know that when I was seven I broke my arm? It was all my own fault and very painful, so on first glance I should probably be writing this to myself.
But then you had the gall to THROW A WELLY BOOT IN MY FACE.
And it hurt more!!! ;_;
I don't hate you, but you've caused me a LOT of pain. Grr.
-Emma
In case anyone reading this misunderstands, I was giggling while writing this. Kindly do not take it seriously.
Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To
Monday, 2 August 2010
Dear Granny,
Hi! It feels weird writing this, because I made my peace with your death long before now, but sometimes I think it'd be nice to be able to speak to you one more time.
What's it like up there? Do you still think about us? Are you watching, or is it so much better than we could ever imagine that these worldly things seem completely unsignificant in comparison?
Just wondering.
Granda's not taking it well. I don't think he'll ever get over it. That's the worst part - having to see the pain in his eyes that's barely diminished, almost two years later, even if he tries to hide it.
I know that sounds bad - almost like I don't miss you - but to be honest I'm past that by now. I know that I'll never see you again and there's no point longing for it, and I've adapted to you not being in my life. I guess... it's just not in my nature. But I do miss you a bit, when I'm feeling very emotional.
I wonder what you'd think of what I've made of my life so far. I can drive now. I know what I want to do at university. And deep down, I know how you'd react: you'd tell me how proud you are of me, and give me a big hug. Because that's what you did at every opportunity - out of all four of my grandparents, you were always the one who was most open with affection.
I never thought you'd be the first one to leave me.
I have tears in my eyes now, this is very unlike me.
I'm sorry for not talking to you as much as I should have done, especially towards the end. We were always at the hospital, but everyone else just talked about things I had no interest in - more often than not, people I'd never heard of, actually - while I sat on the windowsill wishing that they would either talk about something less dull or let me bring a book or something. And then you were gone, and I'd missed pretty much all those last opportunities. That's what I regret most, but I don't know what I could have done differently! But you knew I loved you. And that's enough.
And besides. One of my favourite quotes; "The ones who love us never really leave us." And you haven't. Thank you so much for the impact you had on my life, you were an amazing woman, and I'll never forget you as long as I live.
Unless amnesia gets me... but let's not go there!
Love from Emma
Hi! It feels weird writing this, because I made my peace with your death long before now, but sometimes I think it'd be nice to be able to speak to you one more time.
What's it like up there? Do you still think about us? Are you watching, or is it so much better than we could ever imagine that these worldly things seem completely unsignificant in comparison?
Just wondering.
Granda's not taking it well. I don't think he'll ever get over it. That's the worst part - having to see the pain in his eyes that's barely diminished, almost two years later, even if he tries to hide it.
I know that sounds bad - almost like I don't miss you - but to be honest I'm past that by now. I know that I'll never see you again and there's no point longing for it, and I've adapted to you not being in my life. I guess... it's just not in my nature. But I do miss you a bit, when I'm feeling very emotional.
I wonder what you'd think of what I've made of my life so far. I can drive now. I know what I want to do at university. And deep down, I know how you'd react: you'd tell me how proud you are of me, and give me a big hug. Because that's what you did at every opportunity - out of all four of my grandparents, you were always the one who was most open with affection.
I never thought you'd be the first one to leave me.
I have tears in my eyes now, this is very unlike me.
I'm sorry for not talking to you as much as I should have done, especially towards the end. We were always at the hospital, but everyone else just talked about things I had no interest in - more often than not, people I'd never heard of, actually - while I sat on the windowsill wishing that they would either talk about something less dull or let me bring a book or something. And then you were gone, and I'd missed pretty much all those last opportunities. That's what I regret most, but I don't know what I could have done differently! But you knew I loved you. And that's enough.
And besides. One of my favourite quotes; "The ones who love us never really leave us." And you haven't. Thank you so much for the impact you had on my life, you were an amazing woman, and I'll never forget you as long as I live.
Unless amnesia gets me... but let's not go there!
Love from Emma
Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like To
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Two today, the last one was ridiculously short and fail ^_^
Dear you,
Well. What has happened to us? We used to be so close.
I don't know. Maybe it's not that we were close, we just had something in common that brought us together, before anyone else in pretty much the whole school knew about it! We used to giggle about it all the time, making all those inside jokes, then we converted pretty much all of our friends, you converted me to your taste in music as well, and everything was great!
But now, argghhhh. I just don't know what to say to you! We have nothing in common any more, my taste in music is COMPLETELY different but, as evidenced by the other day, yours definitely hasn't changed, and those particular inside jokes are VERY outdated. And so, any time we're together, it's awkward.
It's not that we don't spend time together, either. We're all together almost all the time, but I think we all know that some of us are closer than others. But we never say it out loud.
I also miss all those really deep conversations we used to have on MSN. When our friendship was easy.
I miss you, even though you're right there. But I'm starting to think we'll never be as close again. And I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can do about it.
-Emma
Dear you,
Well. What has happened to us? We used to be so close.
I don't know. Maybe it's not that we were close, we just had something in common that brought us together, before anyone else in pretty much the whole school knew about it! We used to giggle about it all the time, making all those inside jokes, then we converted pretty much all of our friends, you converted me to your taste in music as well, and everything was great!
But now, argghhhh. I just don't know what to say to you! We have nothing in common any more, my taste in music is COMPLETELY different but, as evidenced by the other day, yours definitely hasn't changed, and those particular inside jokes are VERY outdated. And so, any time we're together, it's awkward.
It's not that we don't spend time together, either. We're all together almost all the time, but I think we all know that some of us are closer than others. But we never say it out loud.
I also miss all those really deep conversations we used to have on MSN. When our friendship was easy.
I miss you, even though you're right there. But I'm starting to think we'll never be as close again. And I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can do about it.
-Emma
Day 9 - Someone You wish You Could Meet
Dear Producer,
Hi. I daresay I will never meet you and it wouldn't make any difference anyway, but I love Merlin and it would be amazing to even be an extra. So here's hoping that I somehow meet you and you temporarily go insane and offer me that opportunity.
-Emma
PS: Ask Miss Taylor for my acting references; she's a little bit crazy, but harmless.
Hi. I daresay I will never meet you and it wouldn't make any difference anyway, but I love Merlin and it would be amazing to even be an extra. So here's hoping that I somehow meet you and you temporarily go insane and offer me that opportunity.
-Emma
PS: Ask Miss Taylor for my acting references; she's a little bit crazy, but harmless.
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About Me
- emma-dilemma
- Welcome to Emma's blog, where you can expect many cryptic clues and letters to random people! Oh, and some stuff about me, too.