BRENDA GOES TO THE FAIR

James challenged me to write a short story about Brenda the cat in his meme reply. This happened.

Brenda awoke promptly from her catnap at precisely 17 minutes past 5 - that is, 17:17. Shaking out her scarlet fur, she padded into the kitchen and coerced her slaves into giving her some meat (they thought she was just a pet - gullible fools!). After checking in the mirror that not a hair of her glorious orange fur coat was out of place, she was ready!

Slipping stealthily out of the house and into the cool winter air, she hailed a French taxi and got in, giving the driver directions to the fair. As the vehicle zoomed through the traffic, she saw several dogs with their heads out the windows of their own cars - how disgustingly uncivilised, she thought!

She arrived at the fair with plenty of time to spare, her fur tinted golden by the last rays of the sunset as she strutted away from the taxi. The walrus wouldn't be here for another ten minutes at least - she could probably afford to relax a bit.

To that end, she wandered over to one of the stalls, where some kind of fat mortal was concocting a confection of waffles, crepes and lashings of chocolate sauce. To one side, an Asian was being distracted from his popcorn stall by a girl wearing some of Brenda's kin on her feet, and to the other side...

It looked innocent enough, a simple candyfloss stall. But that's only if you could overlook the fact that the candyfloss was foaming. It was bubbling up and over the side, flowing straight towards Brenda in a massive tidal wave of sticky pink evil sugar-based goop! Given that the normal texture of candyfloss isn't goopy at all, Brenda was pretty sure there was some evil afoot here, to have changed the molecular structure of the substance in such a way, and so she immediately sprang into action!

Being careful not to stain her glamorous azure coat, Brenda whipped out a fancy gadget of unknown origin and aimed it in the direction of the candyfloss goop-producing machine. Checking the compass at the top to make sure that it was definitely pointing the right way, she then pulled the trigger, and a spray of bullets and plasma spewed out of the device. With a BOOM, the candyfloss goop-producing device exploded, along with all traces of the toxic substance.

Brenda had no collar to pop, so she flicked her indigo tail smugly instead.

"Congratulations," came a smarmy voice from behind her. Turning, she saw a moth wearing a suit in the distance, and a walrus smoking a pipe just in front of her. "You saved the world."

Brenda narrowed her eyes at the sleazy walrus. She really didn't like this fellow, he had a malevolent aura about him that made her want to shoot him in the face.

So she did just that. Sure, she and this anonymous walrus were supposed to be negotiating for world peace, but she was fairly sure he'd caused the floss commotion, plus he was holding a Dark Matter plushie, which may as well have been a giant signpost telling her that he was on drugs and possibly a nerd. So she decided to rid the world of him before he had the chance to compliment her breathtaking violet fur in a lecherous fashion, and then she strutted back home. The fair was dreadfully boring, really.

THE END