Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To

Dear Granny,

Hi! It feels weird writing this, because I made my peace with your death long before now, but sometimes I think it'd be nice to be able to speak to you one more time.

What's it like up there? Do you still think about us? Are you watching, or is it so much better than we could ever imagine that these worldly things seem completely unsignificant in comparison?

Just wondering.

Granda's not taking it well. I don't think he'll ever get over it. That's the worst part - having to see the pain in his eyes that's barely diminished, almost two years later, even if he tries to hide it.

I know that sounds bad - almost like I don't miss you - but to be honest I'm past that by now. I know that I'll never see you again and there's no point longing for it, and I've adapted to you not being in my life. I guess... it's just not in my nature. But I do miss you a bit, when I'm feeling very emotional.

I wonder what you'd think of what I've made of my life so far. I can drive now. I know what I want to do at university. And deep down, I know how you'd react: you'd tell me how proud you are of me, and give me a big hug. Because that's what you did at every opportunity - out of all four of my grandparents, you were always the one who was most open with affection.

I never thought you'd be the first one to leave me.

I have tears in my eyes now, this is very unlike me.

I'm sorry for not talking to you as much as I should have done, especially towards the end. We were always at the hospital, but everyone else just talked about things I had no interest in - more often than not, people I'd never heard of, actually - while I sat on the windowsill wishing that they would either talk about something less dull or let me bring a book or something. And then you were gone, and I'd missed pretty much all those last opportunities. That's what I regret most, but I don't know what I could have done differently! But you knew I loved you. And that's enough.

And besides. One of my favourite quotes; "The ones who love us never really leave us." And you haven't. Thank you so much for the impact you had on my life, you were an amazing woman, and I'll never forget you as long as I live.

Unless amnesia gets me... but let's not go there!

Love from Emma